The Sport's Abyss

By Tyler Savage

Just when you think things couldn't get any better in the sports world...beware, the worst time of the year is quickly approaching. With the bowl season, and the NFL playoffs starting soon, right now is arguably the best time for sports. However, once the NFC/AFC championships end, we enter the real sport's abyss (P.A and Dubay will tell you that the abyss comes after the NBA Finals in the summer, but they are wrong).

The months of February and March could be the longest two months that there are. All that we have are Hockey, the NBA, and March Madness. If this had been 1988, we would be in for a sport's treat. It is not 1988, and all of these sports have gone straight to the crapper. Why did these sports get so bad? There are too many reasons, and I do not have the energy to go in depth. Here is the summary of why these sports went bad: Jordan was too good; the NHL gave out way to much money, and lost ESPN; and Kevin Garnett single handedly destroyed NCAA Basketball.

So...remember to enjoy these next few weeks of football. There will be two long months until the American Pastime starts up again. If you are dying for something to watch, check out American Gladiators II (Nitro's Revenge), it could be more exciting then Kobe Bryant and the NBA.

I've Been a Good Boy!

Christmas Wishes

Here are a few things that I would like from the Twins for Christmas:

1. New infield (does not apply to 1st base or Catcher).
2. To never see Punto or L-Rod again. (except on the bench with puppy dog eyes).
3. New fan base.
4. A Santana deal that gives us real players.
5. $2 beers.
6. Let the fans in early to see the Twins BP.
7. No more truck games between innings.
8. More kiss cam, less alien and other dumb cams.
9. NO more circle me Bert.
10. Steroid bobble head day featuring ridiculously muscular: Chuck Knoblock and Rondell White.
11. Bring back the glass over right and center field.
12. No adds on the baggy.
13. No more tee shirts that get shot out of an air gun.
14. Use technology to bring back Bob Casey's voice as the game announcer.
15. Dome Dogs that come in a miniature dome.
16. Young adult male run the bases day.
17. Change the Home-run porch to just plain left field.
18. Floppy hat give-away day.
19. Destroy the Terrace Suites. (implosion night)
20. Loan Shark Night (all loan sharks get in free in honor of Carl Pohlad's early real estate days where he foreclosed on houses during the depression).
21. Dome Dog/ Bratwurst swirl dog.
22. Create an intense rivalry against the D-Rays (Two Cities, Two Domes, One survivor! DOMEAGEDEN '08).
23. Rid our Piranha campaign with an honest ad slogan: "Little guys who swing at sinkers".
24. Instead of upgrading a few lucky fans to good seats, start a degrading seats program, where five bouncers come in and haul off three fat cats each game and throw them in the cheap seats.
25. Free mini-bat give away day (Must be at least OVER the age of 12).

GET ME A BASEBALL!!

By Tyler Savage

If Carlos Silva is worth 12 million dollars a year, I should be able to scrounge up at least 100 K's as a relief pitcher.

I seriously think it is time to rethink my carrier path and begin my pitching quest over Christmas Break. I should be ready by next year's winter meetings. With Johan probably being traded this season, I may even be the top free agent of '08.

On second thought, maybe it is just time to turn off the lights and end the professional circuits. Maybe Canaries baseball is where the heart of baseball is (sorry Dave, I know that you still hate the Canaries).

The New Sound out of Seattle

By David Jensen

You heard it here first!

Due to my proximity to Seattle, I have news that hasn't made it to the midwest yet. Carlos Silva is now a Mariner. Seattle signed Silva to a 4 year contract worth $48 million. The Mariners front office believes that the missing piece of the puzzle is another Jeff Weaver. Unfortunately for Silva, he is either not as good as Gil Meche, or the Mariners are not as dumb as the Royals. In the gross overpayment for starting pitching of the year in 2006, Meche got $58 million. Will Carlos defeat Roger Clemens for the 07 award? Only time will tell.

Adventures in Low Definition TV

By Tyler Savage

In the year 2009 all TV's are required to be in High Definition. Last night instead of going forward towards the quest for Hi-Def, I took many humiliating steps backwards.

With bills pilling up last year, I decided to start pinching pennies by cutting back on my cable bill. Instead of high speed internet and basic cable, I went for limited internet and limited cable. The results were a savings of 60 bucks a month; the dark side was that there was no more ESPN, which meant no Sports Center, and no Monday Night Football.

My friends, you are starting to see my issues. My TV problems grew in September when my ok TV (it was a big tube TV), flashed a white screen and never turned on again! The outcome is that I am now watching all of my football on a mini 13-inch TV from the kitchen.

This last Monday was the crescendo of my TV misery when the Vikings played on ESPN with playoff aspirations. I decided to stay at home and listen to the game on the radio, and pout for during the three hours of the game.

While I was listening to the game, I decided to turn the TV to ESPN. Deep down, I was holding my breath hoping that maybe the sports gods would look down on me and Monday Night Football would magically come on the screen; I also had tried this technique with the Playboy Channel when I was thirteen. Sadly, there was nothing but fuzz on the TV screen when I got the clicker onto ESPN. I was about to turn the channel, when I thought that I saw a jersey number in the scrambled fuzz on the screen. After squinting my eyes, I realized that I could see a little bit of the game, but only when the camera was in an extreme close-up.

After about 15 minutes of messing with the color and contrast of my 13 inch TV, I was able to almost make out which team was running the ball--this was still better than nothing! With this scrambled picture and the radio play-by-play, I was back in the game!

While many people watched the Vikings game on a Hi-def flat screen TV, and while many fans were live and in person at the game, I spent two hours watching the Vikings and Bears game in extreme low-definition television. It wouldn't have been bad, if my wife hadn't seen this pathetic display on her way to bed. I really think that she might think that I am crazy.

Bringing Hope

By David Jensen

It’s been one hell of a November for Bill Smith. He’s made one small trade, one big trade and is rumored to have two giant ones in the making. He’s made no free agent signings, which is good and bad, and isn’t really letting on what will happen with Johan Santana.

Smith’s priority this winter has been to improve an offensive lineup that featured six outs in 2007. The first trade he made should have shocked no one. He sent a player to be named to the Cubs for OF Craig Monroe. Monroe is a middle of the road player you would expect the Twins to go after, and they won’t lose much. Before being traded to the Cubs in August, the 30 year old Monroe had spent his entire career in Detroit, playing mostly in LF. In five full seasons in the majors, he has a .256 batting average, .303 on base percentage, 104 hr, 388 RBI, with a career high 92 coming in 06. He has walked 165 times in his career, while averaging 99.2 strikeouts a year since 03.

A few days after making that trade, Torii Hunter signed a five year, $90 million deal with the Angels. The Twins offered Hunter a 3 year deal worth $45 million, despite knowing he would not sign such a short term contract.

On the 28^th, under cover of darkness, Smith shocked realist Twins fans. He made a six player trade with Tampa Bay. The trade brought Delmon Young, Brendan Harris and Jason Pridie to Minnesota. Pridie is a promising young outfielder who batted .304 with 14 hr and 66 RBI between double A and triple A last season. In his first season in the Majors, Harris batted .286 with 12 hr and 59 RBI in 07.

The centerpiece of the deal is OF Delmon Young. You may remember him for throwing his bat at an umpire in 06, which got him suspended for 50 games. In 07, Young had troubles with manager Joe Maddon. Young was pulled from a game in September for not running out a ground ball. Young later apologized and was allowed to play in the season finale. Despite his troubles, he is an outstanding talent. In 07, he compiled a .288 BA, 186 hits, 38 doubles, 13 HR, and 93 RBI on his way to being voted 2^nd in the AL Rookie of the Year race. He was 2^nd in the league in AB (645) and 7^th in singles (135) with out missing a game. He also had 16 outfield assists with four errors in RF and CF. But there is room for improvement. He struck out 127 times to only 26 walks and led the league in double plays (23) and outs (492). With experience and coaching, he’ll develop plate discipline.

Going to the Devil Rays are Jason Bartlett, Matt Garza and Eduardo Morlan. The trade shakes up a Twins infield in which Bartlett was presumed to be the short stop of the future. Now, it appears, Harris, Nick Punto, and Alexi Casilla will be competing for the middle infield positions with help at 3^rd base coming in another trade or free agent signing. The most surprising part of the trade is the previously off limits Matt Garza. But a chance to get one of the best young hitters in the game proved irresistible, especially when we still have Boof Bonser, Kevin Slowey, Francisco Liriano and Johan Santana.

Juan Rincon was thought to be part of the trade, but was replaced by Morlan at the last minute.

Still Twins: Johan Santana, Joe Nathan, Juan Rincon and Jason Kubel. But, for how long?

The Best, Worst, and Likely Off-Season Scenario

By: Sam Hansen

Well Twins fans, T-Hunt is gone, and there are rumors floating of Santana and Nathan possibly being traded this off-season. Here is a list of why the Twins did not do things right this last season, and what could happen this year.

During the 2007 season, Twins management acted poorly. We had a couple options. One, we could have made a push for the post-season and spent the $2 million on retaining Luis Castillo and went after another big hitter. Option two, the Twins could have given up on the 2007 season, dump off Castillo, Hunter, and maybe Rincon for some good talent to replace them to make a better run at the 2008 year. Instead, the Twins chose to do a half ass job on both 2007 and 2008. We dumped Castillo for nothing in return, and though we all knew deep down the Twins had no chance of re-signing Hunter, yet we never shopped him out, so we got nothing in return just like Papa Ortiz. Now Santana is upset, and we will now analyze what will happen no matter what they do.

The best case scenario folks, is that the Twins shop Santana, because we can't afford the $20 million/year he no doubt will command. This has not worked for large market teams, and will be a recipe for disaster if we try it here. So, who should we trade him for? This has the chance to be the biggest trade since Griffey Jr., I say we ship him to the Mets. They can afford him, Johan will get to hit, and the Twins won't face him barring inter-league play or (cough, cough) the World Series. Jose Reyes is the most exciting player in the Major leagues, and would give the Twins a table setter at the top of the lineup. He plays with the same style as we do, leading the majors with 77 stolen bases. They won't give up David Wright, and Reyes is signed through the 2011 season making about 6-7 million per year. In our price range. We get him and one or two top outfield prospects and we have to do it. Santana leaving hurts, but him leaving with nothing in return is like amputation with nothing to make it better. We do that, then trade Juan Rincon and another young pitcher for a Garret Atkins or someone like him, and we have a fun team with a chance to do things.

Worst case scenario, the Twins will think that we have a contending team and decide to stick with our current club. This shows me that we are simply too lazy to work anything out and let things go by before doing anything with it. Johan is not happy here, and we need to make the best of a bad situation. But that being said, nothing goes on this off-season in re-signing talks, then the Twins get off to a good start, everything seems fine. We start to decline with an injury or just bad play, then Johan walks just like Torii without getting anything back.

Most likely, Johan will be traded for a thousand dollars and a couple boxes of batting practice baseballs, maybe some bats if we're lucky. Nathan will be gone too, and Minnesota side armer Pat Neshek will be the closer. Mauer and Morneau would be next in line, and who knows what will happen then.

You Heard it Hear First!

Torii Hunter is an Angel.

WE GOT HIM!

TS

Well folks, the Twins struck it big this week by signing Rondell...I mean Craig Monroe from the Chicago Cubs. I think that we have already been through this one before.

Twin's selling points for Craig Monroe: he has a lifetime average of .256.
What it really means: He hit .219 last year, and was a bum for the Tigers so they traded him to the Cubs (where he also was a bum).
Selling point: If healthy, he may prove to be the jump start to the offense.
What it really means: He was injured all last year
Selling point: Monroe may have been a free agent next month.
What it means: Bill Smith is an idiot. He gave up a prospect for Monroe, when he could have got him for free next month.

Sum it up: We have a new Randell White. Don't hold your breath. When are we going to get our new Lew Ford?

Fan Free Agents

By Tyler Savage

Is it fair for Cubs' fans to suffer for 100 years? Well...no wait, Wrigley is like a huge party with all the Budweiser that you can find...bad example. Let's start over, is it fair for the Devil Rays' fans to suffer for a short and painful decade? No. It isn't fair. Any good player that comes up in the Devil Ray's system has the ability to leave for a winner. If the players don' t have any loyalty and can become free agents, why can't the fans?
My favorite columnist Bill Simons for ESPN has asked this question in a few of his columns. Why can't we switch teams? Why can't fans get fed up with a shitty organization and call it quits for greener pastures.
The last few weeks, I have been wondering if I am going to become a fan free agent. Monday is the deadline in baseball for current teams to negotiate contracts with pending free agents. I am seriously thinking about closing my negotiations with the Twins and seeing what I can get on the market. At the least, I could use this as leverage in my fan negotiations with the Twins.
Maybe the Red Sox would offer me more than 50% of its revenue to be spent on my team's players. I'm a pretty good fan, I don't yell for Lew Ford, or play TWINGO, maybe I could get rewarded for my years of hard work.
Maybe the Angels could offer me more than TC the Bear. Hell, they got the Rally Monkey, that has to count for something. I could even go to a small market with the Pirates and get to watch baseball in one damn fine baseball park.
Who knows, maybe a Dodger Dog is hands down a much better frank than a Dome Dog. Then their is the thought of just becoming a low life degenerate and rooting for the White Sox.
But no....I can't do it. I cannot think of the riches that I could get on the free agent market. I have decided to re-sign with the Twins. Why can't fans switch teams? It's simple, no one wants to be that kid in elementary school who comes to school with a new team's jacket each year, or the kid that switches the team he is rooting for at halftime in the Super Bowl, because when the game started he was rooting for the Buffalo Bills. It's about integrity, and even though players do not have it, fans do. Besides, maybe Tyner is the best center fielder that we have.

A Few Thoughts for Mr. White

Tyler Savage

I still remember how young and stupid I was back in the winter of 2006. The free agent signings were flowing, and the Twins were still scratching themselves and waiting at the open starting gates . During this winter, I checked many websites for the latest rumors, hoping to hear when the Twins would sign their first big free agent; while on a break at work, I found who that big free agent would be: Rondell White. Naively, I was pretty impressed with Terry Ryan's find, how ignorant I was. This week Rondell announced himself eligible for free agency, but claimed that he was 99% sure that he was going to retire.
Retirement should be moved up to 100% for White. During his two years in Minnesota, he had 446 at bats. To put this into perspective, Tori Hunter had 600 at bats--in 2007. White was said to be the Twin who could hit 30 home runs in a season, he only hit 11 in a Twins' uniform in two seasons. RBI was not a clutch stat either, he only had 58 as a Twin (even though they do not matter)*.
It wasn't all a loss however, who can forget all the fun that we had at White's expense. Thanks to White, we got to purchase beers for $1.75 at downtown Minneapolis bars (when White was batting, all beers were the price of his batting average). He also had a pretty kick ass spring training in '06.
With all of this in mind, we at the Beatwriters wish White the best in his future endeavors. The more we try to dislike you, the harder it is. It was a good run, but all good things need to come to an end. Tune in next week, when we say our parting shots to Lew Ford--the most popular average player ever to come to the Metrodome.

*Dave I was young and stupid when I said this. I really can only say that I am such an idiot.

A Second Chance

Twins Dream Land

By: Sam Hansen

The World Series is over, and now the Free Agency period has come. After the clutch re-signing of All Star Joe Nathan, Torii Hunter is without a doubt the top priority of the Twins. This should be a concern for Twins fans however, as new GM Bill Smith is giving a load of GM talk pretty much stating we are not going to see Hunter in a Twins uniform again. Texas is looking like his new home.

In my opinion, the Twins jumped the gun prematurely naming Bill Smith as our new GM. Though one appreciates the promoting from within stance, no fan in their right mind would ever second guess if the Twins gave the GM position to Minneapolis native Walt Jocketty, considered by many as one of the best general managers in history. No matter what happens to the Twins this offseason, the direction of the team would have been known with a proven winner in charge.

As far as the holes to fill up, the twins need help pretty much everywhere. Third is probably the biggest question mark, as Dorn didn’t fair too well this year. The prospect of A-Rod taking a pay cut to play in the glorious Metrodome is looking about as likely as the Twins taking a second chance on Tony Batista once again. There have been plenty of rumors (Ensberg, Koskie, Branyan to name a few) to answer this question, however the position need will be based off of what the Twins decide to do with Johan Santana. There are a lot of things to be done this off season, as another year with no moves again this year can not be tolerated.

Winter of our Discontent

By David Jensen

Another season is in the books. For the second time in three years, the Twins showed fans all over the upper Midwest what it’s like to be a baseball fan in Baltimore or Toronto. To have a decent team get beat up by and finish behind two good teams. It sucks, but it’s a damn sight better than what Kansas City and Pittsburgh have come to acknowledge as a fact of life.*

Ahead of us is a very challenging off-season. The result of which could put the 2008 Twins anywhere from first to fourth in the central. I don’t think management could screw things up so badly as to finish behind Kansas City, could they?** Parting with Lew Ford was a good first step. The second would be signing Carlos Silva without giving him a raise, perhaps even giving him a pay-cut. He is valuable as a veteran and good for about ten wins, but if someone wants to give him more money, put him on that train to Cincinnati and don’t think twice, it’s alright.

At second base, we’ll have to live with the decision that sent Luis Castillo to New York and see if Alexi Casilla can become a worthy replacement. Jason Bartlett will get another chance to prove he’s not an out with legs and a decent glove. Hopefully come late May, his on base percentage will be higher than Morneau’s batting average. The only hole in the infield is third base. Nick Punto is a utility player, not an everyday third baseman. Who can we get? I don’t know, but I’ll keep looking.

Minnesota has a strong foundation in Mauer, Morneau, and Dorn. To keep players, fans and peanut vendors happy, they must re-sign Torii Hunter. He’s been great on the field, in the clubhouse, and for the community. He is a Twin. He deserves a check that will keep him in the Metrodome for the rest of his career.

What will new GM Bill Smith do during his first winter at the Helm? A complete overhaul via free agency, or bring in the farm system to fill holes in the lineup and field? Sign Santana now, or bring in Steve Trachsel and Rick Reed?

*George Brett is not walking through that Door!

**Seriously, please give me money and I will save the Royals.

MAILBAG

We have gotten sick of the lame reporting from twinsbaseball.com. We are particularly sick of the mailbag section that the website features.
Twinsbeatwriters.com has decided to start a new segment with the mailbag from twinsbaseball.com. Here's how it works, we take the questions that the fans ask, and we answer them with the truth. Hope you enjoy.

Twin's Mailbag (questions from twinsbaseball.com)


I heard a rumor that the Twins could trade Santana and Jason Bartlett to the Mets for Jose Reyes, Mike Pelfrey, and Carlos Gomez. Could this be true? I don't want Santana to leave, but I don't think we can say no to 78 steals.
-- Louie S., Trempealaeu, Wis.

Well Louie, what you heard is called a lie. There is no way that this is going to happen. Also, if you are going to be promoting this slander, you need to provide a source. There is noway that the Twins will make a deal that actually may benefit the team. If the Twins are going to make a trade with the Mets, look for them to trade Johan for Lois Castillo. The irony behind this trade would be right up our alley.

Is there any chance the Twins pursue Mike Lowell this offseason? He would fill two holes in the Twins' lineup.
-- Cody W., Winona, Minn.

No Cody, there is no chance that this will happen. For third base pursuits, Google search Corey Koskie.

Given the Twins' history of bottom feeding in the free agent market, is Morgan Ensberg a possibility for third base next season? In '05 he hit .283 with 36 HRs and 101 RBIs and even his terrible '07 stats are an offensive upgrade of what the Twins have. He is 32 years old but has had health issues the last couple of years. If he's healthy he could be a right-handed-hitting steal. Plus, he seems to fit the Twins' free agent profile of being cheap and desperate for a chance to play. What do you think?
-- Troy C., La Sueur, Minn.

Who are these people!? Where do these letters come from? No Troy...No. PEOPLE, SETTLE DOWN!! WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY FREE AGENTS AND WE AINT GETTIN' NO STADIUM!

What are the odds of Jason Tyner getting a starting position in the outfield next year? He would be a good leadoff hitter, he hit near .300 last season, and plays good defense.
-- Jonathan H., Tampa, Fla.

Thank you Johnathan for dealing with sanity. The chances are very good. Hunter is gone, and what the hell do we got in left field? I'm glad that we are out of Candyland and that we are looking at a serious possibilities. Now that we are back to reality, I think I need a stiff drink, because we got Tyner in the 1 spot.

I Told you So...

I just found this gem on twinsbaseball.com. by mlb Twins beat writer Kelly Thesier

Another option at third? One third baseman who likely will be available this winter is a former Twin -- Corey Koskie. The Brewers announced this week that they would not pick up Koskie's option for 2008, allowing him to file for free agency after the World Series.

Whether Koskie would be an option for the Twins depends on if he will be healthy enough to come back and play next season. Koskie missed the entire 2007 season due to the effects of post-concussion syndrome, which he began feeling in July 2006.

And even Koskie admitted that his playing career might be in danger of being finished.

"I still want to get better, I still want to play," Koskie said on Sept. 28. "I would love to get back out there at this point, because just playing, I would know I'm better. I'm still hoping to be playing somewhere next Spring Training. If I'm not better by January, then maybe it's over."

You Heard it Here First Folks!

Scrub Signing '08

While hunting for my baseball rumors for the upcoming free agent season, I stumbled across this article in the Star Trib. today. I still stand by my word, I will only let him back if he breaks a chair before each game. (see last blog for humor reference)

Koskie wants to play

October 20

Minneapolis Star Tribune

(scroll down)

"Koskie, 34, gets a $500,000 buyout from the Brewers and can file for free agency after the World Series. The Twins need a third baseman, and Koskie might be looking for a job... The Twins have been in contact with the agents for outfielder Torii Hunter and righthander Carlos Silva."

2007/2008 Twins' Free Agent Signings

The World Series hasn't started yet, but the Twinsbeatwriters like to jump the gun. We want to look at the possible free agent signings for the Minnesota Twins. If you have hopes for the Twins' signing Alex Rodriguez or Bobby Abreu, then I wish you the best of luck in your life in Candy Land. I have no confidence in the off season anymore--I have been rubbed raw. Every winter I get high hopes that something big is going to happen, and every winter I am sadly disappointed. Considering the Twins' track record, here is a good guess at what is going to happen this winter.

Realistic Twins' signings:

3B:
Tony Batista: This could be played off a a sequel. Batista II slower...much slower.
Arron Boone: I can really see the Twins trying to sell this one on us. They will say something like: "he fits into the system" or something dumb like that. I have been bamboozled on one Boone brother already (Bret Boone, 2005), it didn't work.
Corey Koskie: This one is right up the Twins' alley. It's a feel good story that a typical Twins fan would love. I do not want any part of Koskie unless he promises in his contract to break a chair before every game.
Mark Bellhorn: Older player, some name potential, may get some fans excited, if this guy doesn't have Twins' free agent written on him, I don't know who does.

OF
Correy Patterson: See Mark Bellhorn's description.
DH
Rubben Sierra: "Hey, you know who we should give a call back...Ruben Sierra." Future bad quote from Twins' front office.

P
Kris Benson: hmmm...we don't need pitching, however, let's blow a lot of money on this guy. We need a veteran presence.
Carlos Silva: This one is going to be the hardest. After loosing Hunter, and trading Santana, the Twins will get desperate and throw a lot of money at Silva.

Goodbye Torii

This just in, Twins Beatwriters have some inside info. It turns out that Torii Hunter might be leaving Minnesota. Thankfully, there is no way that we will loose Johan Santana. However, the loss of Hunter is significant. In honor, here are my top three Hunter moments.

3. 2002 All Star Game Take Web Gem: What's better than robbing a home-run in the All Star Game? Robbing it from Barry Bonds. In case you forgot, this was the year that Barry was trying to actually get fans and sports writers to like him. Barry's reaction was very unBarry; after Hunter's catch, Bonds joked with Hunter and picked him up like a rag doll. Had Bonds not been trying to get people to like him, he would have gone straight to the dug-out, started crying, and then proceed to punch Jeff Kent in the face.

2. Summer 2002, Vs. The Indians: In the summer of 2002, the Twins and Indians had a nice little rivalry going. Late in a game, the Indian's pitcher threw one at Hunter and hit him intentionally. I was wondering if Hunter would charge the mound or gracefully walk to first. Gladly, Hunter did neither, he got up, grabbed the ball, and hurled it right back at the pitcher. Hunter had a hot head, and I like that in a player.

1. June 28th, 2006, day game against the Dodgers: This was a special day for me. Two days after Hannah was born, my Grandpa, Dave, myself, and my cousin went to a Thursday game against the Dodgers. It was the bottom of the first inning and the bases are juiced for Torii Hunter. My Grandpa is the biggest baseball fan I have ever met. Somehow he had never been to a Twins game at the Dome; He looked like a kid in a candy store the whole day. As Hunter came to the plate I leaned over to my Grandpa and said: "If Hunter hits it out of the park, this place it going to go crazy." Two pitches later, Hunter slammed one over the fence and my Grandpa was on his feet yelling. It was an awesome moment.

2007 Game 7, World Series Dream

By Tyler Savage

I'm afraid the Minnesota Twins have fallen for the oldest trick in the book. I have to be honest, I didn't even see it coming. Billionaire buys a baseball team for a lot of cash, wins two World Series, runs the team into the ground, returns the team to glory, threatens to contract the team, rebuilds the team, tricks Hennepin County into building him a multi-million dollar stadium, then destroys the team for maximum profit . Happens everyday. Don't cry for the Twins...think about the Dome Dogs, where the fuck are they going to go? What about the baggy? In 2010 it will be a damn billboard. All I have to say is I am taking one of the seats with me before they crash the wreaking ball on my childhood.
Sadly...the show must go on. Since the Twins didn't get to the World Series again...here is a little fictional blog that I wrote. The setting is game 7 of the World Series. The characters are the Three Beat Writers: me, Dave, and Scotty. We are naturally sitting in the seats above the baggy.

Game 7: Twins Vs. Montreal

(Batting Practice)
Dave: Man I can't believe the Expos are in the World Series against the Twins.
Me: I know, I can't believe Selig had the NLCS winner play the 2002 Expos team to see who got to play in the World Series this year.
Scotty: Man those Expos look good in their powder blue 70's uniforms.
Me: That's odd that they are wearing their old uniforms even though they are the 2002 team.
Dave: No it isn't, this is only a dream Savage...one beautiful dream.

(The three sit and eat Dome Dogs in normal-guy-baseball-silence, it's good silence, not awkward silence. Me and Dave fill in our score cards)

Dave: Man I'm glad Sam is not here.
Me: Crazy...I was just thinking that myself.
Scotty: Me too.

(time passes)

Scotty: First pitch...come on Johan
Me: This is going to be great

(The game progresses normally)

Dave: What do you think is the greatest baseball food?
Me: Peanuts.
Scotty: I gotta disagree, I think seeds are good.
Dave: what about the Cracker Jacks?
Me: I'm sick of Cracker Jacks.
Scotty: Why?
Me: They suck. It is a snack that should have been weeded out many years ago.
Dave: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Question for you, when was the last time you ran into a gas station and bought a bag of Cracker Jacks for your car ride up to the Dome?
Scotty: Never...do they even sell Cracker Jacks at gas stations.
Dave: Some...they are harder to find then a Hardee's though.
Me: Exactly. This was early product placement at its finest. The only reason that Cracker Jacks are still around is because of Take Me out to the Ballgame.
Dave: Man...what's wrong with you Savage, what you got against Cracker Jacks?
Scotty: Yeah, it's game 7 and your bitchin about Cracker Jacks.
Me: Just wait till some company pays MLB 2 billion dollars to place their product into the song.
Dave: What The fuck are you talking about?
Me (singing): Buy me some peanuts and Citi Rewards Points....
Dave: I see your point, but what about peanuts?
Me: What about the peanuts?
Dave: isn't that they same thing?
Me: What..No, no. The peanuts are completely different. The song is not promoting a brand of nuts, just the nuts.
Scotty: I bet Mr. Peanut would love to get into the song.
Me: No shit, I bet he's tried.
Dave: Hey, here comes the 7th inning stretch.
Me: You can sing your corporate anthem if you'd like, I think I'll just sit this out.
Scotty: What about the Cubs?
Dave: Huh? What about the Cubs.
Scotty (singing): So it's root, root, root for the Cubies.
Me: Let em have their little fun. 1908 man, 1908.

(inning 22)
Dave: Wow. I can't believe the game is still going on.
Me: Ya, and everyone has left but us.
Scotty: I can't believe they have shut off the score board.
Me (raising my glass): Yes, and all the free beer we can drink.
Dave: I'm just glad I'm in the game! Try to hit this Savage!
(Dave is magically on the mound, and Lobs a large softball underhand to the plate to me)
(The ball is hit and it is hit hard. Naturally, the ball winces its eyes and begins to scream as it sails out of the stands. The ball's scream can be heard for miles, many in Hennipen County suffer severe hearing loss; the shock wave from the ball blows Dave over).
(The Star Wars theme plays over the speakers as I jog the bases. As I round first Terry Tower Hands me a beer in a small keg cup. I throw it over my head like a marathon runner cooling himself at mile 20).
Scotty: Hey...how did Terry get here?
Dave: It's a fuckin party...of course Terry would show up.
Terry: (makes unrecognizable mongrel noises, I hear something about shaving).
(As I jump on home plate I am mobbed by everyone and everyone is pounding on my head).
Dave: Everyone's here!
Scotty: But SAM!!
All Of the Mob: YEAH!!!!!
Me: Let's go to the locker room!
(We all run into the locker room and have a 22 and a half hour champagne fight to Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days song).

And they all lived happily ever after... but Sam.

Going Underground

By David Jensen

A lot of you have been wondering about my mysterious absence. Well, in July, I was working on a column about the impending trade of Luis Castillo, when I heard a voice say "Jim Souhan says hello." The stranger then threw a garrote around my neck. Fortunately, my editor was able to take out the would-be assassin with a cast iron skillet. Knowing that someone would be coming to finish the job, I was forced to leave the beat writers office. I stayed in a KOA under the name Reynolds McAdoo, for a week, then I joined a smoke jumper team and hid out in the burning forests of western Montana.
I have been able to resurface and begin writing again. I can't say where I am, but I am safe for now. I've missed a lot, but the Twins are in first and Punto is batting .300 right?

Twins to KSTP: Don't Fuck with Us!

By Tyler Savage

I always think that the Twin’s announcers are the biggest homers around. However, Dick, Gordo, and Bert may not be doing this voluntarily; after last week, it appears that the Twins have an iron fist on their media.

The Twins got pissed at KSTP after one of last week’s post game radio shows on KSTP. During the show, one of the hosts suggested that Joan Rincon was not playing well lately because he is no longer taking steroids. This infuriated the Twins, and Ron Gardenhire explained that the organization is going to settle this dispute--Sounds like there may be a body in a trunk soon.

The Twin’s had other media problems last week, when Jack Morris filled in for Dan Gladen. Morris was critical of the Twins for taking out Johan Santana early in a game. The Twins spoke out, and have since talked with Morris about the incident. Sounds like Chilli Davis may be the new backup radio color man when Dan Gladden is on vacation.

Vertical integration is a bad thing. When one company makes, produces, and distributes a product everyone looses. It appears that this is what the Twins have with their radio programs. So, the next time you hear Gordo say that Carlos Silva is on the upswing, don’t roll your eyes, because there could be cold steel pressed to the back of his head while sweat is running down his face.

How do you Explain Baseball?

By Tyler Savage

Nine times out of ten, you will be seated in front of some real annoying people at a Twin’s game. It’s the drawback of going to a live game, you always have to worry about who you are going to be seated a foot away from. Sometimes, the baseball gods smile down at you, and you get interesting people sitting next to you and it’s fun to eavesdrop.

This happened to me at Saturday’s game at the Dome. Here is the background knowledge; there were three people behind me--two guys and one girl. The girl and one of the guys were from Canada; the other guy was from Europe. The girl did not talk much, but the two guys did, and after listening to the conversation, I realized just how complicated our great sport of baseball is. Here are some excerpts from their conversations, we will call the Canadian Guy: Can (for Canada), and we will call the European guy: Eur (for Europe).

Enter group to section 210, sit behind Tyler and his wife

Can: So, you have never been to a baseball game before?

Eur: No…I have never even watched a game on TV.

Can: Well..I’ll teach you everything that there is to know.

Ball gets hit

Eur: So, is the ball hard or soft?

Can: Oh…the ball is very hard, like a rock.

Eur: Is it a rock?

Can: No, it is made of wound string.

Game continues, pitcher pitching

Eur: So how many pitches do they get to hit the ball?

Can: Well, they get three strikes to hit the ball, if they get three strikes they are out.

Eur: They only get three pitches?

Can: Well…no, they have a thing called balls too, they get four balls, and then they get a free base if they get four balls.

Eur: How do we know if it is a ball or a strike?

Can: Well, there is this invisible box called the “strike zone”…

Eur: (cutting off Can) Wait…wait…wait…what do you mean “invisible box”?

Can: Well, if the ball crosses the batter from the knees to the waist it is a strike, as long as the ball crosses the plate. That guy standing behind the catcher judges the strike zone—they’re called umpires.

Eur: Are they good at doing this?

Can: (laughing) Yeah (sarcastically)

Eur: So are all of these players professional baseball players?

Can: Yes, they make a lot of money, even the lowest paid players.

Innings pass…Can continues to tell all about errors, tagging up (this one took awhile), and home runs.
Later, Torii Hunter hits a routine groundball to the shortstop and is thrown out jogging to first base. Let’s rejoin our conversation:

Eur: Hey…wait a minute…why didn’t that guy run to the base, he was only jogging!

Can: Well…yeah, that is very common too. If the player knows that he is going to get out, they just kind of jog to the base.

Eur: Why would they do that?

Can: I don’t know…they just know that they are going to get out, and it’s not worth the effort to run all the way to the base.

Eur: So why don’t they just drop the bat and walk back to the dugout?

Can: Well, it’s tricky…they have to make it look like they are somewhat trying, so that they can earn those millions of dollars that they are making.

Eur: This game is very confusing to me; you would not see that in cricket.

The comedy continues up to the crescendo of the evening, it is between innings and the teams have just run off the field.

Can: So are you starting to understand a little bit?

Eur: Yes… I think…

At this point a large Dodge Truck drives onto the field for the between innings game where they try to bounce a baseball into the cab of the truck.

Eur: What is this? Why is there an automobile on the field? Do they drive trucks in this game too?

Can: (laughing) No, this is just like a game they play between innings.

Eur: Games? I do not understand.

Can: Yeah, between innings they give away stuff to fans, I guess it’s weird now that I think about this.

Eur: This game is very confusing.

All Star '07--population yuppies

By Tyler Savage

Well…to make it up for suspending me for a month, the staff at TBW.com sent me to San Francisco for the 2007 All Star Game. Unfortunately, the night did not turn out the way that I had planned.

I flew into town early in the morning, right after my lawsuit was over, and I made my way to Candle Stick…err…I mean Pac Bell…um…let’s just say I went to the ballpark. I found a bar near the park, and the abundance of yuppies and Fox employees made me realize that there will probably be a lot of assholes in heaven. Things only got worse when I asked for a High Life at the bar. The bar keep laughed at me and told me to get some class, at this point I explained that he got people drunk for a living, and he kicked me out of the bar.

While walking away from the bar, I hit up a coffee shop and found some “real” journalists there, and I began to mingle with them. The All Star clichés were all that I heard while talking to these “great” writers. One man talked about how the game was meaningless with interleague play, then came another Einstein explaining how the Milwaukee “tie” in 2002 killed the game, the next writer enlightened me on how their were steroids in baseball. I began to yawn when these “news breakers” talked about the evils of the World Series home field advantage clause; I left when they began whining about the Royals getting a man in the All Star Game.

I had been hearing and reading this crap for years now, and it was becoming a damn broken record. Why didn’t anyone talk about the real problem with the All Star Game? Was anyone else not alarmed at how the game has become a fat cat party for Fox to advertise their lame shows? While I was thinking these thoughts, I realized that I was walking on a red carpet, and I was a little dumbfounded. I then looked up and realized that I was at the ballpark. A red carpet for baseball?! I should have left for the airport then, but for some reason I went into the game.

I calmed down at about 6:30, I had my scorecard ready, and I was in a nice little press box. I was alarmed because game time said 7pm on my ticket (they printed my ticket in central time for me) but at 7:10, there was nothing going on. I turned on the TV and saw what was going on; Fox was trying to emotionally hype up the game again with a stupid emotional highlight reel that they had created for the pregame.

Start the game…pan to kayakers…start the game…Joe Buck talking… start the game…Taco Bell… start the game…first pitch after this short break!

My thoughts were furious when the clock got to 8 and there was still no game. Then the starting line-up started; I headed for the airport when I saw the fireworks going off. Fox had sunk to a new low, the only thing left for Fox’s pregame was to have Nelly shoot out of the pitching mound and begin his newest single with the star from Prison Break.

It’s not interleauge play or homefield advantage that is hurting the All Star game. It is Fox and 1000-dollar ticket prices. To save the game, get rid of TV, send the plays to the game over a ticker tape to Bob Costas. No more yuppies at the game either, to solve this, all fans will have to name two players from the Royals and the Pirates to get in; if they can’t do this, they will have to forfeit their tickets.

Beat Writer Wins Law Suit

AP
After a long legal battle, Tyler Savage has been cleared to once again write for the Website twinsbeatwriters.blogspot.com. Savage’s legal troubles started at the beginning of June, when Lucas Enterprises sued him for copyright infringement.
Lucas Enterprises claimed that Savage stole ideas from its Star Wars Franchises in blogs that he posted earlier this year. Savage claimed that any similarities in his blogs were simply coincidental. The judge agreed with Savage, and threw out the lawsuit, claiming that Lucas had no strong evidence.
Outside the courtroom many reporters were calling Savage lucky. “In my experience, there is no such thing as luck,” answered Savage.
The quote started a heated argument between Savage and Lucas, ending with Savage screaming that he was finally above the law.
Savage will return to twinsbeatwriters later this week, he had been suspended without pay for the last month.
“Those assholes are going to pay!” said Savage, when asked if he was angry for his month long suspension.

Back in the Seats

By David Jensen

There I was, back in Vermillion and loving every minute of it. One day, Tyler calls me and says we need to go to a Twins game. When you’ve just driven 1,100 miles, what’s another 300 to see the Twins? The next morning I met him in Sioux Falls. He said he would drive to the cities. It was a welcome break from behind the wheel. Unfortunately, I had to leave Mary in Sioux Falls. I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me.

As we drove through south-central Minnesota, and over the Minnesota River, I could hear the cheese in the hills calling; come and get me, come and get me. Unfortunately, I did not have my pan with me. We arrived at the dome well before the gates opened, so we bought our tickets and went across the street to Hubert’s. The inside was crawling with yuppie scum. We took our beers to the patio where we could sit in peace and smoke like Americans. Sitting in the shade, High Life in hand, we watched the U.S. Open and listened to an old hen waitress and a young waitress droll on about nothing, of which they knew little. When the yuppies started spilling into our corner, we made tracks for batting practice.

Stadium security hadn’t opened the gates, so we stood in line and baked in the humid air, the one thing I hadn’t missed about the plains. When they finally let us in, we made a bee-line for the most beautiful place in southern Minnesota: Section 210. After soaking in the glory for a moment, we went to the rail and started shouting down to the Braves in the outfield shagging balls. You probably saw it on web gems, but someone threw one up, Tyler bobbled it and when it was on its way back to the field, he swatted it under the railing and caught it in the back of his knee. Later on, a brave hit a home run that bounced a few rows behind us that bounced back to the field. Some kids shouted at the fielder to throw it up to them and when he did, he over shot them and it fell right into Tyler’s hands. So he got two balls, all the while I just wanted to play catch with Andruw Jones from the upper deck, but that was not to be. Not long after that, Sanquist showed up fresh from the cheese mines, giving Tyler someone else to brag to.

With the Twins trying for the sweep the game promised to be a good one. Santana was pitching against Tim Hudson. In the first, Santana gave up a single and a walk with one out, then retired Andruw, and struck out Jeff Francoeur. He wouldn’t give up another hit until the fourth.

Hudson was just as good in the early innings. Torii Hunter hit a double in the second, but Hudson cut him down at third on Mike Redmond’s grounder to the mound. Luis Castillo collected a two-out infield hit in the third, but Joe Mauer lined to left to end the inning.

Atlanta finally broke through in the fifth when Brian McCann led off the inning with a homer. Chipper Jones led off the sixth by coaxing a walk, then stole second. Andruw and Francoeur followed with infield pop-ups. Left fielder Matt Diaz came through with a double putting Atlanta up 2-0. Johan gave up a hit and struck out two in the seventh. Santana’s final line: 7 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 ks.

Johan was very good that night, but Hudson was great. After Castillo’s single, Hudson retired the next 10 batters. He only struck out two, but working quickly, he engineered an endless parade of ground balls. The biggest threat against him was in the seventh. Dorn led off with a walk. Justin Morneau, grounded to short forcing Dorn at second, and advanced to second on an error by the second baseman. Hunter got him to third on a groundout. But Redmond failed to get him in, popping up to the first baseman.

Jason Kubel led off the eighth by grounding out to second for the third time. With a 2-0 count on Nick Punto, Bobby Cox came out to the mound. After a brief discussion, Hudson left the game due to tightness in his shoulder. Hudson ended with 7.1 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 2 Ks. He was relieved by Rafael Soriano who got Punto and Jason Tyner to fly out.

Braves closer Bob Wickman came in in the ninth to face the top of the order. Castillo led off with the Twins’ first hit since his infield hit in the third. Mauer grounded out to short, getting Castillo, who was running on the play, to second. Then Dorn ripped one into the corner for a triple making the score 2-1. That’s when the Braves really fell apart. Morneau grounded to short, keeping Dorn at third, but Edgar Renteria bobbled the ball and couldn’t make a play, giving Justin an infield hit. Next, Hunter hit one to third baseman Yunel Escobar. Dorn broke for home on contact. Escobar’s throw home was high, getting by McCann and tying the game. With runners on second and third, mighty Redmond stepped to the plate. Failing in two previous chances with runners in scoring position had only made him mad. The best hitting catcher in the game didn’t disappoint us a third time. He lashed a Wickman delivery into left, allowing Morneau to trot in with the winning run.

It was a great game, probably the best I’ve seen in person. Afterwards, we raced down to Mankato for the post-game party. There wasn’t a riot, but we still had a good time.

Congratulations Wes, RIP Toby.

What a vacation. I went to a wedding, a funeral and a Twins game. How I missed the plains.
Now that I'm back, here's this breaking news.

Most of the month of May was very dark for the Twins. Injuries, poor pitching and quiet bats plagued the team for most of the month. Rondell White, Joe Mauer and a good piece of the bullpen spent most or all of May on the disabled list. Some pitchers regressed while others surged. A poor start prompted some doomsayers to signal the end, but a strong showing in the final two weeks got the Twins back into a decent position.

Starting pitching was a major problem for Minnesota. The rotation went 10-11 with a 4.89 ERA. As well as Ramon Ortiz pitched in April, he pitched just as poorly in May. He posted an 0-3 record with an ERA of 10.48 and averaged just 4 1/3 innings per start. Ortiz gave up 40 hits in 21 1/3 innings before being sent to the bullpen. His worst start was May 15 v Cleveland when he gave up six runs on seven hits in one inning of work. The lone bright spot of his month was a perfect inning of relief against the White Sox.

Fortunately, we were put out of Sidney Ponson’s misery. The ham-fisted greaseball was released after going 1-2 with a 4.96 ERA. Ponson’s career numbers as a Twin against teams other than Tampa Bay: 0-5, 9.24 ERA, 41 hits, 25 1/3 innings, six home runs allowed in five starts.

After a fine April, Carlos Silva took a step back in May. He went 1-4 with a 5.28 ERA. In his first two starts, he was a hard-luck loser. He allowed four runs while the Twins scored none. In his next two starts, he was rocked to the tune of 12 ER on 16 hits in 10 1/3 innings. On the 27^th, he made his best start of the year. He pitched 7 1/3, giving up two ER on six hits in a 4-2 win over Toronto.

Taking Ponson’s turn in the rotation was Scott Baker. In his season debut, Baker dominated the Brewers, giving up two ER on six hits over 8 1/3. But in his next two starts, he pitched a combined 8 1/3 and gave up 9 ER on 15 hits, earning two no-decisions.

The best part of May was watching the emergence of Boof Bonser as a legitimate number two starter. He led the starters in wins (4), ERA (2.45) and innings pitched (36 2/3). He struck out a career high 11 Brewers on the 18^th and had 9.33 strike outs per nine innings pitched. After a rough beginning, Boof has lowered his ERA in six of his last seven starts.

Statistically, Minnesota did well at the plate in May. The team hit .279 with five players batting over .300. But at times, especially in the first three weeks, the offense was nowhere to be seen. Despite his aching legs, Luis Castillo had a phenomenal month. Hitting safely in 21 of 25 games, Luis batted .368 with a .419 on base percentage. He scored 24 runs and collected 39 hits, including the 1,500^th of his career. It has been over a year since he committed an error and at months end, his streak stands at 139 games.

Nick Punto had a much improved month, hitting .253 with a .369 OBP. He stole seven bases in nine tries while playing a solid third base and filling in at second occasionally. Unfortunatly, he’s still striking out too much. He k’d 19 times and walked 16.

The middle of the order finally came to life. Dorn hit .317 with 20 RBIs, lifting his season average to .302. Torii Hunter continued his hot start by batting .311 with six home runs and 27 RBIs. He also struck out 23 times. Justin Morneau again had us chanting MVP with his heroics. He hit .314 with 29 RBIs, 10 HR, and a .667 slugging percentage.

But in my mind, the MVP was Mike Redmond. When Mauer went down with a leg injury, Redmond stepped into the everyday catchers role and excelled. He hit .366 with 6 RBIs and a .418 OBP. Defensively, he didn’t make an error and threw out 48% of potential base stealers.

Unlike other parts of the team, the Bullpen performed well throughout May. The relievers amassed a 3-3 record with a 2.98 ERA. Pat Neshek allowed six hits while striking out 18 with an ERA of 0.66. Joe Nathan went 1-0 with four saves with a 1.50 ERA.

No Posts

Why no posts???
Jensen is on vacation, and Savage has no internet.
Check back soon!!

Getting Back in it

There is nothing better than a sweep of the White Sox. Back in third place and charging.

This is Twins Territory

By Scott Doucette

Lately I've been listening to a lot of bickering from people who call themselves Twins fans. Yes, the team from Minnesota has struggled this year. But guess what? That is going to happen from time to time. Baseball is a game that requires much from it's fans; patience, dedication, and unwavering attention to detail. All virtues which have eluded a vastly underwhelming generation of "Twins fans".

My father has been a Fenway Fanatic for over 50 years and he recently celebrated his team's first World Series Championship. That's right. One championship in 50 years. 50 years in which Carl Yastremski, Fred Lynn, and Jim Rice all won MVP's. 50 years in which Carlton Fisk hit the foul pole in game 6, Dwight Evans won 4 consecutive gold gloves, and Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters in a game. Twice. All that greatness and only one championship in 50 years. But he also went through 50 years in which bad trades led to playoff woes, Bill Buckner pulled a "buckner" and Rico Petrocelli hit .240 anually. But my old man loved Rico Petrocelli and he cheered for his team every year, even when the Sox hit a combined .236 as a team in 1968. He loved the subtle nuances of a game that will reward those who truly appreciate it. Baseball doesn't need sausage races, T-shirt rocket launchers, kiss cams, or Twingo. The game itself is all a true fan needs. And maybe a dome dog.

So I pose a question to those of you who grumble "Punto sucks" or "we need a power hitter" and then hastily switch off the game to catch the season finale of Heroes: are you a true fan of the game? Did you follow our team through the dreadful mediocrity of the mid to late 90's or do you merely want to enjoy the good times? Because I'll tell you something, Nick Punto is a piece of crap. But he is our piece of crap and it doesn't matter if you like it or not. I for one, do not. I'd love to have A-Rod or Miguel Cabrera at the hot corner, but we don't. We have a sissy little Piranha who works his ass off every night. To be honest, I think half of the players on our team have below average talent, yet, expectations are set very high. This is because the Minnesota Twins are a baseball organization with the right idea. The Twins do not sacrifice integrity for press coverage and they do not hump the bottom line. Likewise, the Twins don't sell out every home game and they don't lead the league in revenue production. They don't contend for championships on a yearly basis and they don't have a rich history like the Yankees or Red Sox. But they do win games with class and they don't put players on the field who lack heart (Ponson gone, Bartlett benched). Love 'em or loathe 'em, they are the Twins. It's time to quit the bitching and get on the bus for good or go back to watching reruns of Happy Days. I guarantee the Fonz won't disapoint you nearly as much as our lack of power.

Johan Has Come!

By David Jensen
This story is dedicated to the memory of Sam Hanson.

A small break in the endless dark cloud has come, allowing a ray of light to shine through. Johan Santana has arrived at his mid-season form. Though by no stretch of the imagination did he pitch poorly in his first eight starts, he wasn’t dominant enough to overcome his team’s poor offense at times. He went 4-3 with an ERA of 3.35 and 56 strike outs.

In his last two outings, he’s pitched 14 innings, given up 8 hits, 3 ER, 3 walks and struck out 24. All three runs came on solo home runs. He’s 1-1 in those starts after coming out on the short end of a 2-0 pitchers duel with Fausto Carmona. Keep an eye on him. This failed closer may be the thing that puts Cleveland over the top, if he can fool the AL the second time around.

In his four starts in May, Santana’s ERA is 2.16. He’s struck out 34 and allowed just 21 hits. But he’s only 2-2 for the month. Most shocking has been his vulnerability at home. After winning 17 straight decisions at the dome, he’s 1-3. That is partly due to poor run support. In those four starts, the Twins have scored 10 runs behind him, while he has amassed an ERA of 3.96.

Tuesday night against Texas, Santana made one of his best starts of the year. Going against a Ranger team that lit up the Twins for 14 runs the night before, he allowed one run on 4 hits and struck out 13 over seven innings. Twins pitchers combined to strike out 18, a Texas hitter’s record for a nine-inning game. All strike outs were swung-on.

Overall, he stands at 5-4 with an ERA of 3.05. He leads the AL with 80 strike outs and is sixth in innings pitched with 65.

No matter how the rest of the season goes, we still get to watch Johan befuddle AL hitters. That is unless the unthinkable happens. Keep knocking ‘em dead, Johan. And please hurry back Joe.

Side Notes

Need more evidence of Santana’s brilliance? Last night, he pitched five full innings for the 101^st consecutive start. In the last 50 years, only Bob Gibson, David Cone and Curt Schilling have had longer such streaks.

Luis Castillo has gone a Major League record 130 games at second base without committing an error. He passed Ryne Sandburg (123) last week but no one noticed. I learned of the record from the Rangers’ broadcasters. They said the Twins didn’t even realize it until days later.

Even with a few bad starts recently, Carlos Silva is still doing much better this year than at this point last year. In his first eight starts last season, he had allowed 18 home runs. After nine starts this year, he’s only given up four gopher balls.

Minnesota is no longer last in the AL in home runs. Justin Morneau’s three against Texas have pushed them in front of Baltimore. The Twins have 35 while the O’s are at 32. Morneau (14), Torii Hunter (11) and Michael Cuddyer (5) are the only Twins with more than one.

Expos Fever

By David Jensen

While listening to the Twins last night, I also watched Seattle v Tampa Bay. The D-Bags were back in the Tampa Dome after playing a series in Orlando. Not surprisingly, nobody noticed. Only 9,254 showed up to watch the Rays lose 5-3. By the eighth, there were no more than a thousand people left in the stands. I felt sorry for the players. Losing is bad enough without having to do it while wearing those dopey cut-off uniforms in an empty stadium.

I came to the conclusion that a change needs to be made. The Rays are going nowhere in Florida. As I mentioned, they’ve recently resorted to playing home games at a minor league park in Orlando. At least they almost filled that stadium. Waning interest can’t be blame by Floridians alone. Management has been inept from the franchises inception, doing little to create fan interest or a culture of winning.

There’s only one way to fix the problem: move the team to Montreal. Although there are a lot of fair weather fans, Montreal is a good sports town which is ready to embrace the Expos more than they did before. If you don’t think they support their teams, try getting Canadiens playoff tickets. You can probably blame Bud Selig for the city’s apathy in the last years of the Expos.* Threatening contraction and publicly stating that the team will head to Washington, D.C. is a good way to alienate a fan base.** And Expos fans couldn’t have been happy when the magical season of 94 was ended by the strike.

There is still a decent stadium downtown which is far better than the Rays current home. If you think the Metrodome is bad, you’re crazy. But you should see what the Devil Rays call home. With bad sight lines, catwalks and hanging wires, Tampa’s dome may be the worst venue in Major League Baseball. The steel roof doesn’t even let the illusion of sunlight in like at the beautiful Metrodome.

So give Montreal a second chance. If you do it right, Baseball can thrive in the great white north.

*Almost everything wrong about baseball can be blamed on Bud Selig.

**Sound familiar, Twins fans?

Twins Rangers Game 2

Last night may prove to be the turning point that we need. Santana was back in true form, and the only mistake he made was to pitch to a roid rager who is on a quest to hit 600 to try to get in the hall (which he won't).
Morneau was on fire last night and he had 5 RBI, Hunter had 2 RBI. If the Twins are going to get hot it will need to get more help from the left side of the infield. Punto needs to bring the BA up, and soon! Kubel needs to get hot, and help pay the bills, currently he looks like a freshman at fall camp.
Big Rubber game (I think it's only three games) tonight, if the Twins win that will be two series wins in a row. Big night for BOOF!
-TS

Twins Rangers Game 1

There have been many complaints about the lack of Twin's stories.

Here is last night's notes:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They're going to shut us down.
-TS

A Note from the After Life

As I started work this morning, I sadly had to get my own coffee. Sam's days had passed and the office was a little quieter without him around. I went into his closet today, and I found this piece of work on his desk (the floor). Many great authors and artists works were not appreciated during their times on earth...I wonder if that is how Sam will be remembered. Here is his last thoughts before he was kidnapped and killed by radicals.

2007 Season: Predictable or Unpredictable?

By: Sam Hansen

The 2007 season certainly had its ups and downs. Barry Bonds is quite possibly the feel good story of the century, and who woulda thunk the Brewers would have near the best record in baseball and the Yankees would struggle. The Minnesota Twins, though being a favorite to win the American League this year with Santana, Mauer, and Morneau, just have not been able to be consistent early on this 2007 season.

Jesse Crain has gone to the DL recently, however Julio DePaula seemed up to the task of filling in for him as he struck out his first major league hitter. Pitching is the name of the game, and with Ramon Ortiz being shelled and Carlos Silva showing glimpses of the last two years, the Twins might have reason to be concerned. The talent appears to be good through the baseball talks in the living room as John Gordon talks them up in the pre-game show on the radio, but the vets need to be consistent for us to make a push for the post-season. We have been about as consistent with our pitching as Umpires are agreeing with the QuesTec camera. Have faith Twins fans, as long as we still have Rick Anderson as pitching coach, we will have one of the best pitching staffs in baseball.

In other news, Justin Morneau has had a slamming start to the season with 11 blue darters, however I believe the Twinkies MVP thus far is none other than Mike Redmond. Redmond has been consistent behind the plate and showed Tom Prince like power the other night with his first dinger of the season. Look out A-Rod, he’s only 14 shy of you, and he has 4 ½ months to catch you…

Down in Jungleland

By David Jensen

I’m sure some of you, along with myself, have been wondering why the beat writers haven’t been producing much lately. I found out why, and it isn’t pretty. Last week I received a package. It was caked in what I hoped was mud and postmarked Caracas. I opened the box and was horrified by its contents. They were a road map of northern Venezuela, some scorecards, a tattered notebook and what used to be an umpire’s mask. It all meant one of two things; either intern Sam Hansen was kidnapped by radicals, or he was starting a new life with El Chupa Cabre.

Sam was sent to Venezuela last week. He was to scout Jorge DelarossaVillalobos, a young pitcher who could replace Ponson. His primary duty was to be a decoy for Scotty.

When I took out the twisted mask, I saw a note at the bottom of the box. In primitive English, it said that Sam was in the custody of a group which identified itself as The Soldiers of Dave Concepcion. For Sam’s freedom, they demanded $50,000, Concepcion’s induction to the Hall of Fame and Luis Rivas. I called Scotty to see if he had some of the Traveler’s Cheques we gave Sam. If we could get those back, at least it wouldn’t be a total loss. His wife Maria Josefa was hysterical when she answered the phone. She explained that enemies of Enrique had captured Scotty while at the goat auction. Seems their plan was to kidnap a sportswriter and extort the media to prop-up Carlos Zambrano and exaggerate his meager accomplishments even more than they already have. The same plan they’ve executed for the last three years.

Tyler was devastated when I told him we had lost the Traveler’s Cheques. We agreed not to negotiate with the radicals. The nation can not handle more Zambrano hype. Tyler is in Hollywood for his second job as a beat writer and analyst for American Gladiators. He said he couldn’t go to Venezuela because he had to help his cousin Fred Savage get off heroin. I think he was really going to the final episode of The Price is Right. So it was up to me to save Scotty and shield America from an onslaught of Cubs propaganda.

I flew down and met my contacts. One was famed Venezuelan mountain man Jesus DelRio. The locals call him “El Burro del Muerte”. He knows every llama path north of the Amazon and will have no trouble finding the hole these slime are hiding in. The other is Anthony Pantaglione, a captain in the Cambria family of the LeSuer mafia. Once we find the rebel scum, he’d know what to do with them.

After half a day of walking in the jungle, Jesus claimed to know exactly where the radicals were. He said they were hiding in a cave and eating wild boar 100 Km to the southeast. I don’t how he could tell that by eating a handful of mud, but I had no choice but to follow him. We made good time despite the rough terrain. Within a few hours of where we thought they were hiding, we found Scotty by himself. He was fighting a pack of monkeys over some berries.

While we barbequed some monkeys for dinner, Scotty told us how he was freed. Before we could rescue him, Steve Phillips and Jay Mariotti had reached the radicals. They said they would gladly tout Zambrano and tell everyone the Cubs have a chance to win it all until the bitter end. In exchange, the radicals must send them fan mail and call ESPN and newspapers across the country, telling them what great journalists Steve and Jay are. These South American mountain men who can barely read are by a wide margin the most highly educated people to compliment Steve and Jay’s journalism skills. Now that millions would be brainwashed about Zambrano’s abilities, they released Scotty to find his own way back.

Scotty is happy to be back with his family. He said he would continue writing as soon as he regained his strength. On a side note, TBW is looking for a new intern. If you are interested, send your resume to:

Tyler Savage

C/O Fred Savage

Hollywood, CA

Rough Times for TBW's

Tyler Savage
Life was completely different a month ago; life for a beat writer was good. The Twins were in first place, and when the good times roll, everybody wants to be your friend. The Twins beat writer’s office was a different place back then. Guest stars like Jay-Z* were common, and I really don’t know how we cleaned up after that mid-day foam party that spontaneously broke out after the afternoon break.

With every loss, the crowds diminished from the office, and before I knew it the bubble had burst, and I was on a flight home from Hollywood after covering the American Gladiators. I had to take the side job to pay the bills and make ends meet; with each Twin’s loss, my job was in danger. Nothing prepared me for the sight I saw today when I got back to the office.

Jensen was not looking good in his office (Dave won the only office due to a lucky hand in cribbage). As I walked down his office hall, I was worried when I did not see him at his desk. I was about to walk past his door and to my cubical when I heard a consistent thumping sound coming from in his office. As I approached the desk I saw Dave with a two-week beard, sitting on the floor by his chair, his arms were wrapped around his knees, and he was rocking back and forth mumbling to himself. The thumping was coming from his head bumping the wall with each rock he took. As I approached I could hear what he was mumbling.

“Johan will come, Johan will come,” was all that was coming out of his mouth. It sounded like a record that was skipping. At first I tried to snap him out of his catatonic state, but then I took the opportunity to take back my Born in the USA CD.

As I exited Dave’s office, I walked by Scotty’s cubical, and a deep remorse hit me. While Scotty was in Venezuela we had been “cleaning” his office for his return. Currently, all of his things were glued to the ceiling. I soon realized that if the Twins didn’t start winning soon, we would never make Scotty’s ransom, and he would never get to see these great pranks.

As I weaseled into my cubical, I was finally able to let out a sigh of relief; I had to sneak past intern Sam’s janitor’s closet so that he wouldn’t hassle me about publishing his writing. I had made it, but I had my mace ready incase of emergency.

As I checked my voice mail, I became worried—my editor had called saying that we needed to talk soon! The end was looking near. For the rest of the day, I filled out job applications and prayed for a Twin’s win tonight in Milwaukee. After finishing my applications for The Price is Right host, and for the Commissioner of Major League Baseball I realized that life at another job may not be horrible, but this job has been a dream come true. I decided to wait until tomorrow to call the editor—GO TWINS!!!

To Be Continued…

*At this place in the story, I wanted to place the name of the hottest/coolest new celebrity, I realized that I do not know who is cool anymore though….sorry.

Gladiator's Beatwriter

TS
The Twins gave up a nine spot before the 5th inning; we may be close to rock bottom.
Due to the slow start, editors have sent me to the lovely Universal Studios in Hollywood to cover The American Gladiators (ESPN Classic, 6PM, M-F).
Tonight, Nitro showed why he was brought back for a third season on Gladiators. I don't care if he is making 15 million a year, what he does on the wall is worth every dime. This season, Gemni appears to have lost a step on the joust, I fear that we may need to send him down to Sea World per assignment. We have also gotten a surprising quick start from rookie Turbo; in the human cannonball he is made of steel.
All-in-all, I am very pleased with how the gladiators are preforming, the contestants are showing some feeble efforts so far. However, gladiators are made after the quarter finals, we'll see where we are at the end of next week.
Tyler Savage, signing off from Hollywood, for all of us at Twins beatwriters, praying that the Twins will find their mojo.

It's Not Easy Being Morbidly Obese

Or Goodbye Cheeseburgers in the Clubhouse
By David Jensen

You heard it here first!
Rest easy Twins fans. Our long nightmare is over. Sidney Ponson is gone! After a month and a half of watching Moe Green turn into an over-basted Butterball Turkey on the mound, management has seen enough. Terry Ryan has no more use for him now that the Twins have no more games with the Devil Rays. Minnesota graciously offered him a spot in AAA Rochester’s bullpen, but somehow Ponson felt that this was beneath him.

Taking Ponson’s roster spot will be Garrett Jones. Jones hit .305 with 5 home runs and 23 RBIs in Rochester. I didn’t expect Ponson to be cut for another week or two when Baker or Garza would be ready for the show.

So the fat load will be taking his 6.93 ERA and his mustard-stained jersey home to Fort Lauderdale to wait by the phone. Good luck with that, Moe. See you in the funny pages Ponson. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

A Reason to Watch

By David Jensen
On April 10^th, Torii Hunter went 0-2 against the New York Yankees. On May 10^th, White Sox pitchers left him hitless in four at-bats. In between, Hunter engaged in one of the most captivating things in sports: a hitting streak.

Joe DiMaggio’s 56 game hitting streak stands as arguably the most daunting feat in baseball history. It is one of three records I believe will never be broken. To break it, a player must be at the top of his game for two months. A prolonged hitting streak takes an incredible amount of skill and luck. With all the little things that beat up ball players over the course of a season, it’s nearly impossible to be 100% everyday. And how often does a guy drill the ball all over the park only to go 0-4? Then sometimes a streak is continued with a slow roller that sneaks by the second baseman.

Hunter’s streak went 23 games, which is about the point when the national media will take notice. 23 games doesn’t seem like much considering he was still almost a week away from the Yankee Clipper’s halfway point, but it was an amazing accomplishment. Torri is a decent batsman, but not the kind of hitter who can keep a prolonged streak going. He has good speed, and when he’s hot, few Twins in recent memory can match him. But, unlike most players who reach the 20’s, he swings for the fences and strikes out too often.

Hunter’s streak is tied for fourth longest in Twins history. During the streak, he batted .373 with 15 extra-base hits and had 11 multi-hit games. He hit five home runs, 19 RBIs with a .660 slugging percentage. Remarkably, Hunter kept hitting despite more than the usual aches and pains. He missed two games after straining his shoulder during the sixth game of the streak. He was also hit in the face by a pitch then went 5-13 in the next three games.

Hunter is having the best offensive season of his career. He’s hitting .324 with 8 home runs and 29 RBIs. Without his production, the Twins would be even further back in the standings.