It's Not Easy Being Morbidly Obese

Or Goodbye Cheeseburgers in the Clubhouse
By David Jensen

You heard it here first!
Rest easy Twins fans. Our long nightmare is over. Sidney Ponson is gone! After a month and a half of watching Moe Green turn into an over-basted Butterball Turkey on the mound, management has seen enough. Terry Ryan has no more use for him now that the Twins have no more games with the Devil Rays. Minnesota graciously offered him a spot in AAA Rochester’s bullpen, but somehow Ponson felt that this was beneath him.

Taking Ponson’s roster spot will be Garrett Jones. Jones hit .305 with 5 home runs and 23 RBIs in Rochester. I didn’t expect Ponson to be cut for another week or two when Baker or Garza would be ready for the show.

So the fat load will be taking his 6.93 ERA and his mustard-stained jersey home to Fort Lauderdale to wait by the phone. Good luck with that, Moe. See you in the funny pages Ponson. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.