All Star '07--population yuppies

By Tyler Savage

Well…to make it up for suspending me for a month, the staff at TBW.com sent me to San Francisco for the 2007 All Star Game. Unfortunately, the night did not turn out the way that I had planned.

I flew into town early in the morning, right after my lawsuit was over, and I made my way to Candle Stick…err…I mean Pac Bell…um…let’s just say I went to the ballpark. I found a bar near the park, and the abundance of yuppies and Fox employees made me realize that there will probably be a lot of assholes in heaven. Things only got worse when I asked for a High Life at the bar. The bar keep laughed at me and told me to get some class, at this point I explained that he got people drunk for a living, and he kicked me out of the bar.

While walking away from the bar, I hit up a coffee shop and found some “real” journalists there, and I began to mingle with them. The All Star clichés were all that I heard while talking to these “great” writers. One man talked about how the game was meaningless with interleague play, then came another Einstein explaining how the Milwaukee “tie” in 2002 killed the game, the next writer enlightened me on how their were steroids in baseball. I began to yawn when these “news breakers” talked about the evils of the World Series home field advantage clause; I left when they began whining about the Royals getting a man in the All Star Game.

I had been hearing and reading this crap for years now, and it was becoming a damn broken record. Why didn’t anyone talk about the real problem with the All Star Game? Was anyone else not alarmed at how the game has become a fat cat party for Fox to advertise their lame shows? While I was thinking these thoughts, I realized that I was walking on a red carpet, and I was a little dumbfounded. I then looked up and realized that I was at the ballpark. A red carpet for baseball?! I should have left for the airport then, but for some reason I went into the game.

I calmed down at about 6:30, I had my scorecard ready, and I was in a nice little press box. I was alarmed because game time said 7pm on my ticket (they printed my ticket in central time for me) but at 7:10, there was nothing going on. I turned on the TV and saw what was going on; Fox was trying to emotionally hype up the game again with a stupid emotional highlight reel that they had created for the pregame.

Start the game…pan to kayakers…start the game…Joe Buck talking… start the game…Taco Bell… start the game…first pitch after this short break!

My thoughts were furious when the clock got to 8 and there was still no game. Then the starting line-up started; I headed for the airport when I saw the fireworks going off. Fox had sunk to a new low, the only thing left for Fox’s pregame was to have Nelly shoot out of the pitching mound and begin his newest single with the star from Prison Break.

It’s not interleauge play or homefield advantage that is hurting the All Star game. It is Fox and 1000-dollar ticket prices. To save the game, get rid of TV, send the plays to the game over a ticker tape to Bob Costas. No more yuppies at the game either, to solve this, all fans will have to name two players from the Royals and the Pirates to get in; if they can’t do this, they will have to forfeit their tickets.