Going Underground

By David Jensen

A lot of you have been wondering about my mysterious absence. Well, in July, I was working on a column about the impending trade of Luis Castillo, when I heard a voice say "Jim Souhan says hello." The stranger then threw a garrote around my neck. Fortunately, my editor was able to take out the would-be assassin with a cast iron skillet. Knowing that someone would be coming to finish the job, I was forced to leave the beat writers office. I stayed in a KOA under the name Reynolds McAdoo, for a week, then I joined a smoke jumper team and hid out in the burning forests of western Montana.
I have been able to resurface and begin writing again. I can't say where I am, but I am safe for now. I've missed a lot, but the Twins are in first and Punto is batting .300 right?

Twins to KSTP: Don't Fuck with Us!

By Tyler Savage

I always think that the Twin’s announcers are the biggest homers around. However, Dick, Gordo, and Bert may not be doing this voluntarily; after last week, it appears that the Twins have an iron fist on their media.

The Twins got pissed at KSTP after one of last week’s post game radio shows on KSTP. During the show, one of the hosts suggested that Joan Rincon was not playing well lately because he is no longer taking steroids. This infuriated the Twins, and Ron Gardenhire explained that the organization is going to settle this dispute--Sounds like there may be a body in a trunk soon.

The Twin’s had other media problems last week, when Jack Morris filled in for Dan Gladen. Morris was critical of the Twins for taking out Johan Santana early in a game. The Twins spoke out, and have since talked with Morris about the incident. Sounds like Chilli Davis may be the new backup radio color man when Dan Gladden is on vacation.

Vertical integration is a bad thing. When one company makes, produces, and distributes a product everyone looses. It appears that this is what the Twins have with their radio programs. So, the next time you hear Gordo say that Carlos Silva is on the upswing, don’t roll your eyes, because there could be cold steel pressed to the back of his head while sweat is running down his face.

How do you Explain Baseball?

By Tyler Savage

Nine times out of ten, you will be seated in front of some real annoying people at a Twin’s game. It’s the drawback of going to a live game, you always have to worry about who you are going to be seated a foot away from. Sometimes, the baseball gods smile down at you, and you get interesting people sitting next to you and it’s fun to eavesdrop.

This happened to me at Saturday’s game at the Dome. Here is the background knowledge; there were three people behind me--two guys and one girl. The girl and one of the guys were from Canada; the other guy was from Europe. The girl did not talk much, but the two guys did, and after listening to the conversation, I realized just how complicated our great sport of baseball is. Here are some excerpts from their conversations, we will call the Canadian Guy: Can (for Canada), and we will call the European guy: Eur (for Europe).

Enter group to section 210, sit behind Tyler and his wife

Can: So, you have never been to a baseball game before?

Eur: No…I have never even watched a game on TV.

Can: Well..I’ll teach you everything that there is to know.

Ball gets hit

Eur: So, is the ball hard or soft?

Can: Oh…the ball is very hard, like a rock.

Eur: Is it a rock?

Can: No, it is made of wound string.

Game continues, pitcher pitching

Eur: So how many pitches do they get to hit the ball?

Can: Well, they get three strikes to hit the ball, if they get three strikes they are out.

Eur: They only get three pitches?

Can: Well…no, they have a thing called balls too, they get four balls, and then they get a free base if they get four balls.

Eur: How do we know if it is a ball or a strike?

Can: Well, there is this invisible box called the “strike zone”…

Eur: (cutting off Can) Wait…wait…wait…what do you mean “invisible box”?

Can: Well, if the ball crosses the batter from the knees to the waist it is a strike, as long as the ball crosses the plate. That guy standing behind the catcher judges the strike zone—they’re called umpires.

Eur: Are they good at doing this?

Can: (laughing) Yeah (sarcastically)

Eur: So are all of these players professional baseball players?

Can: Yes, they make a lot of money, even the lowest paid players.

Innings pass…Can continues to tell all about errors, tagging up (this one took awhile), and home runs.
Later, Torii Hunter hits a routine groundball to the shortstop and is thrown out jogging to first base. Let’s rejoin our conversation:

Eur: Hey…wait a minute…why didn’t that guy run to the base, he was only jogging!

Can: Well…yeah, that is very common too. If the player knows that he is going to get out, they just kind of jog to the base.

Eur: Why would they do that?

Can: I don’t know…they just know that they are going to get out, and it’s not worth the effort to run all the way to the base.

Eur: So why don’t they just drop the bat and walk back to the dugout?

Can: Well, it’s tricky…they have to make it look like they are somewhat trying, so that they can earn those millions of dollars that they are making.

Eur: This game is very confusing to me; you would not see that in cricket.

The comedy continues up to the crescendo of the evening, it is between innings and the teams have just run off the field.

Can: So are you starting to understand a little bit?

Eur: Yes… I think…

At this point a large Dodge Truck drives onto the field for the between innings game where they try to bounce a baseball into the cab of the truck.

Eur: What is this? Why is there an automobile on the field? Do they drive trucks in this game too?

Can: (laughing) No, this is just like a game they play between innings.

Eur: Games? I do not understand.

Can: Yeah, between innings they give away stuff to fans, I guess it’s weird now that I think about this.

Eur: This game is very confusing.

All Star '07--population yuppies

By Tyler Savage

Well…to make it up for suspending me for a month, the staff at TBW.com sent me to San Francisco for the 2007 All Star Game. Unfortunately, the night did not turn out the way that I had planned.

I flew into town early in the morning, right after my lawsuit was over, and I made my way to Candle Stick…err…I mean Pac Bell…um…let’s just say I went to the ballpark. I found a bar near the park, and the abundance of yuppies and Fox employees made me realize that there will probably be a lot of assholes in heaven. Things only got worse when I asked for a High Life at the bar. The bar keep laughed at me and told me to get some class, at this point I explained that he got people drunk for a living, and he kicked me out of the bar.

While walking away from the bar, I hit up a coffee shop and found some “real” journalists there, and I began to mingle with them. The All Star clichés were all that I heard while talking to these “great” writers. One man talked about how the game was meaningless with interleague play, then came another Einstein explaining how the Milwaukee “tie” in 2002 killed the game, the next writer enlightened me on how their were steroids in baseball. I began to yawn when these “news breakers” talked about the evils of the World Series home field advantage clause; I left when they began whining about the Royals getting a man in the All Star Game.

I had been hearing and reading this crap for years now, and it was becoming a damn broken record. Why didn’t anyone talk about the real problem with the All Star Game? Was anyone else not alarmed at how the game has become a fat cat party for Fox to advertise their lame shows? While I was thinking these thoughts, I realized that I was walking on a red carpet, and I was a little dumbfounded. I then looked up and realized that I was at the ballpark. A red carpet for baseball?! I should have left for the airport then, but for some reason I went into the game.

I calmed down at about 6:30, I had my scorecard ready, and I was in a nice little press box. I was alarmed because game time said 7pm on my ticket (they printed my ticket in central time for me) but at 7:10, there was nothing going on. I turned on the TV and saw what was going on; Fox was trying to emotionally hype up the game again with a stupid emotional highlight reel that they had created for the pregame.

Start the game…pan to kayakers…start the game…Joe Buck talking… start the game…Taco Bell… start the game…first pitch after this short break!

My thoughts were furious when the clock got to 8 and there was still no game. Then the starting line-up started; I headed for the airport when I saw the fireworks going off. Fox had sunk to a new low, the only thing left for Fox’s pregame was to have Nelly shoot out of the pitching mound and begin his newest single with the star from Prison Break.

It’s not interleauge play or homefield advantage that is hurting the All Star game. It is Fox and 1000-dollar ticket prices. To save the game, get rid of TV, send the plays to the game over a ticker tape to Bob Costas. No more yuppies at the game either, to solve this, all fans will have to name two players from the Royals and the Pirates to get in; if they can’t do this, they will have to forfeit their tickets.

Beat Writer Wins Law Suit

AP
After a long legal battle, Tyler Savage has been cleared to once again write for the Website twinsbeatwriters.blogspot.com. Savage’s legal troubles started at the beginning of June, when Lucas Enterprises sued him for copyright infringement.
Lucas Enterprises claimed that Savage stole ideas from its Star Wars Franchises in blogs that he posted earlier this year. Savage claimed that any similarities in his blogs were simply coincidental. The judge agreed with Savage, and threw out the lawsuit, claiming that Lucas had no strong evidence.
Outside the courtroom many reporters were calling Savage lucky. “In my experience, there is no such thing as luck,” answered Savage.
The quote started a heated argument between Savage and Lucas, ending with Savage screaming that he was finally above the law.
Savage will return to twinsbeatwriters later this week, he had been suspended without pay for the last month.
“Those assholes are going to pay!” said Savage, when asked if he was angry for his month long suspension.

Back in the Seats

By David Jensen

There I was, back in Vermillion and loving every minute of it. One day, Tyler calls me and says we need to go to a Twins game. When you’ve just driven 1,100 miles, what’s another 300 to see the Twins? The next morning I met him in Sioux Falls. He said he would drive to the cities. It was a welcome break from behind the wheel. Unfortunately, I had to leave Mary in Sioux Falls. I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me.

As we drove through south-central Minnesota, and over the Minnesota River, I could hear the cheese in the hills calling; come and get me, come and get me. Unfortunately, I did not have my pan with me. We arrived at the dome well before the gates opened, so we bought our tickets and went across the street to Hubert’s. The inside was crawling with yuppie scum. We took our beers to the patio where we could sit in peace and smoke like Americans. Sitting in the shade, High Life in hand, we watched the U.S. Open and listened to an old hen waitress and a young waitress droll on about nothing, of which they knew little. When the yuppies started spilling into our corner, we made tracks for batting practice.

Stadium security hadn’t opened the gates, so we stood in line and baked in the humid air, the one thing I hadn’t missed about the plains. When they finally let us in, we made a bee-line for the most beautiful place in southern Minnesota: Section 210. After soaking in the glory for a moment, we went to the rail and started shouting down to the Braves in the outfield shagging balls. You probably saw it on web gems, but someone threw one up, Tyler bobbled it and when it was on its way back to the field, he swatted it under the railing and caught it in the back of his knee. Later on, a brave hit a home run that bounced a few rows behind us that bounced back to the field. Some kids shouted at the fielder to throw it up to them and when he did, he over shot them and it fell right into Tyler’s hands. So he got two balls, all the while I just wanted to play catch with Andruw Jones from the upper deck, but that was not to be. Not long after that, Sanquist showed up fresh from the cheese mines, giving Tyler someone else to brag to.

With the Twins trying for the sweep the game promised to be a good one. Santana was pitching against Tim Hudson. In the first, Santana gave up a single and a walk with one out, then retired Andruw, and struck out Jeff Francoeur. He wouldn’t give up another hit until the fourth.

Hudson was just as good in the early innings. Torii Hunter hit a double in the second, but Hudson cut him down at third on Mike Redmond’s grounder to the mound. Luis Castillo collected a two-out infield hit in the third, but Joe Mauer lined to left to end the inning.

Atlanta finally broke through in the fifth when Brian McCann led off the inning with a homer. Chipper Jones led off the sixth by coaxing a walk, then stole second. Andruw and Francoeur followed with infield pop-ups. Left fielder Matt Diaz came through with a double putting Atlanta up 2-0. Johan gave up a hit and struck out two in the seventh. Santana’s final line: 7 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 ks.

Johan was very good that night, but Hudson was great. After Castillo’s single, Hudson retired the next 10 batters. He only struck out two, but working quickly, he engineered an endless parade of ground balls. The biggest threat against him was in the seventh. Dorn led off with a walk. Justin Morneau, grounded to short forcing Dorn at second, and advanced to second on an error by the second baseman. Hunter got him to third on a groundout. But Redmond failed to get him in, popping up to the first baseman.

Jason Kubel led off the eighth by grounding out to second for the third time. With a 2-0 count on Nick Punto, Bobby Cox came out to the mound. After a brief discussion, Hudson left the game due to tightness in his shoulder. Hudson ended with 7.1 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 2 Ks. He was relieved by Rafael Soriano who got Punto and Jason Tyner to fly out.

Braves closer Bob Wickman came in in the ninth to face the top of the order. Castillo led off with the Twins’ first hit since his infield hit in the third. Mauer grounded out to short, getting Castillo, who was running on the play, to second. Then Dorn ripped one into the corner for a triple making the score 2-1. That’s when the Braves really fell apart. Morneau grounded to short, keeping Dorn at third, but Edgar Renteria bobbled the ball and couldn’t make a play, giving Justin an infield hit. Next, Hunter hit one to third baseman Yunel Escobar. Dorn broke for home on contact. Escobar’s throw home was high, getting by McCann and tying the game. With runners on second and third, mighty Redmond stepped to the plate. Failing in two previous chances with runners in scoring position had only made him mad. The best hitting catcher in the game didn’t disappoint us a third time. He lashed a Wickman delivery into left, allowing Morneau to trot in with the winning run.

It was a great game, probably the best I’ve seen in person. Afterwards, we raced down to Mankato for the post-game party. There wasn’t a riot, but we still had a good time.

Congratulations Wes, RIP Toby.

What a vacation. I went to a wedding, a funeral and a Twins game. How I missed the plains.
Now that I'm back, here's this breaking news.

Most of the month of May was very dark for the Twins. Injuries, poor pitching and quiet bats plagued the team for most of the month. Rondell White, Joe Mauer and a good piece of the bullpen spent most or all of May on the disabled list. Some pitchers regressed while others surged. A poor start prompted some doomsayers to signal the end, but a strong showing in the final two weeks got the Twins back into a decent position.

Starting pitching was a major problem for Minnesota. The rotation went 10-11 with a 4.89 ERA. As well as Ramon Ortiz pitched in April, he pitched just as poorly in May. He posted an 0-3 record with an ERA of 10.48 and averaged just 4 1/3 innings per start. Ortiz gave up 40 hits in 21 1/3 innings before being sent to the bullpen. His worst start was May 15 v Cleveland when he gave up six runs on seven hits in one inning of work. The lone bright spot of his month was a perfect inning of relief against the White Sox.

Fortunately, we were put out of Sidney Ponson’s misery. The ham-fisted greaseball was released after going 1-2 with a 4.96 ERA. Ponson’s career numbers as a Twin against teams other than Tampa Bay: 0-5, 9.24 ERA, 41 hits, 25 1/3 innings, six home runs allowed in five starts.

After a fine April, Carlos Silva took a step back in May. He went 1-4 with a 5.28 ERA. In his first two starts, he was a hard-luck loser. He allowed four runs while the Twins scored none. In his next two starts, he was rocked to the tune of 12 ER on 16 hits in 10 1/3 innings. On the 27^th, he made his best start of the year. He pitched 7 1/3, giving up two ER on six hits in a 4-2 win over Toronto.

Taking Ponson’s turn in the rotation was Scott Baker. In his season debut, Baker dominated the Brewers, giving up two ER on six hits over 8 1/3. But in his next two starts, he pitched a combined 8 1/3 and gave up 9 ER on 15 hits, earning two no-decisions.

The best part of May was watching the emergence of Boof Bonser as a legitimate number two starter. He led the starters in wins (4), ERA (2.45) and innings pitched (36 2/3). He struck out a career high 11 Brewers on the 18^th and had 9.33 strike outs per nine innings pitched. After a rough beginning, Boof has lowered his ERA in six of his last seven starts.

Statistically, Minnesota did well at the plate in May. The team hit .279 with five players batting over .300. But at times, especially in the first three weeks, the offense was nowhere to be seen. Despite his aching legs, Luis Castillo had a phenomenal month. Hitting safely in 21 of 25 games, Luis batted .368 with a .419 on base percentage. He scored 24 runs and collected 39 hits, including the 1,500^th of his career. It has been over a year since he committed an error and at months end, his streak stands at 139 games.

Nick Punto had a much improved month, hitting .253 with a .369 OBP. He stole seven bases in nine tries while playing a solid third base and filling in at second occasionally. Unfortunatly, he’s still striking out too much. He k’d 19 times and walked 16.

The middle of the order finally came to life. Dorn hit .317 with 20 RBIs, lifting his season average to .302. Torii Hunter continued his hot start by batting .311 with six home runs and 27 RBIs. He also struck out 23 times. Justin Morneau again had us chanting MVP with his heroics. He hit .314 with 29 RBIs, 10 HR, and a .667 slugging percentage.

But in my mind, the MVP was Mike Redmond. When Mauer went down with a leg injury, Redmond stepped into the everyday catchers role and excelled. He hit .366 with 6 RBIs and a .418 OBP. Defensively, he didn’t make an error and threw out 48% of potential base stealers.

Unlike other parts of the team, the Bullpen performed well throughout May. The relievers amassed a 3-3 record with a 2.98 ERA. Pat Neshek allowed six hits while striking out 18 with an ERA of 0.66. Joe Nathan went 1-0 with four saves with a 1.50 ERA.