2/7/2011
Dear August Tyler,
I know that you have a lot of high hopes and excitement for the Vikings 2010 season. This message is from the future to warn you about the upcoming NFL season, technology is so fast these days that it can even go back in time. Tyler, please sit down before you read this…
There is no light way to put this, so I am just going to write one insanely long run-on sentence that would not please your high school composition teachers, here goes: (Long sigh) Brett Favre reports that he is not coming back, teammates fly down to Favre and beg him to come back, Favre comes back, Sidney Rice has to get hip surgery and is out first half of the season, Vikings lose to New Orleans, Vikings lose to the Dolphins, Brett Favre is suspected of sending pictures of his genitals to Jets employees (it's gonna get a little weird), Vikings keep losing, Vikings trade 3rd round pick for Randy Moss before the Green Bay game, Vikings lose to the Patriots, Randy Moss tells reporters that he is going to interview himself at press conferences, Randy Moss gets cut after three games (remember we gave up the third round pick),Percy Harvin has ongoing issues with migraines on a weekly basis, Favre has different injuries every week and is a constant game time decision, Brad Childress and Percy Harvin get into a shouting altercation that almost comes to blows in practice, Vikings get blown out by Packers at the dome, Childress gets fired, Frazier new interim coach, Bills knock Favre out of a game, Minneapolis gets huge snowstorm, dome collapses from the weight of the snow, dome tears apart from the weight of the snow, game gets canceled due to dome collapsing, home game vs. Giants moved to Detroit on a Monday night (you will not get to watch the game because it is blacked out in Sioux Falls), Brett Favre's streak ends in the home game in Detroit, Vikings play a Monday night game outdoors at TCF Field, Farve gets knocked out of the game with a concussion, Philly game gets postponed due to weather and is moved to a Tuesday night, Joe Webb starts a football game in Philly, Joe Webb beats the Eagles in Philly, Farve does not play in last game in Detroit (road game), Vikings lose final game to Detroit, Vikings finish 6-10, Vikings do not make the playoffs, Vikings finish last in the Central Division, Green Bay and Chicago Play in the NFC Championship, Green Bay beats Chicago, Green Bay wins the Super bowl.
Stranger than fiction, what a long strange trip it's been.
Sincerely,
February Tyler
2 comments:
Dear August Tyler and/or February Tyler, Are you a Goddamned moron? Other than the tragedy that occurred to our beloved Dome, How did either of you not see any of that coming a mile away? I told you in August that bitterness and failure are the only thing the Vikings are capable of dishing out. But yet, you are somehow surprised by this.
Your friend,
Reality.
Dear August, 2012 Tyler,
I had better not see a Goddamned blogpost in the form of a letter to January, 2011 Tyler, warning him that he has seen the last Vikings game in Minnesota (I don't believe that the 2011 will be cancelled due to Strike and/or lockout, but it is a possibility). Everyone knows that the Vikings are for all intents and purposes the Los Angeles Vikings already. Fucking wake up.
Your friend,
Reality.
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