Free Agent Fan Savage Resigns with Twins!!

In a shocking development, the Minnesota Twins have resigned All Star Fan free agent Tyler Savage. Experts had said that Savage would leave the Twins at the end of this season. All indications pointed to Savage leaving for either the Dodgers or the Royals, Savage had been researching both teams extensively this off season. Savage also was overheard singing California Dreaming much of this winter, and refused to watch The 50 greatest Twins documentary earlier this month.

Here are the details on the new contract; the contract is a five year extension.

· Savage has to acknowledge that Target Field is now the home of the Twins

· All Twins home runs will receive a standing ovation

· Games will now be played with the mute button on

· Food eaten at games will be 1 hot dog and an ice cream helmet

· Savage may not have the following signs: "hey bert, what are you going to whine about now?" and "This place is a dump"

· An ongoing search for "the seats" will begin starting this year

· The Metrodome will not be insulted in Savage's presence

· Savage will no longer laugh at Thome shirts

· The only player designated to receive unconditional respect will be Rodger Dorn (Cuddyer)

· The following additional signs are allowed: "I will have my vengeance" and "Remember Denny Hocking?"

· The memory of Tony Batista will be erased from everyone's minds slowly

· "Why do we still cheer Torii Hunter Day" and "I still love Johann Day" will be pronounced by Savage at a latter unknown time

· Yelling "Free Beer!" will not be rewarded

· "Can I just have the hot dog?" will not be rewarded

· "TWINS WIN!" Will be rewarded

· "You Bum!" will now be the lowest insult at a game

· "No Really…FREE BEER!" will not be rewarded

· "That Ice Cream looks good, can I try some?" will not warrant ice cream

· This column is the official last pot shot at Target Field by Savage, my voice has been heard