If someone would have come up to me this August and said that they would let me watch every football game on Sundays, without any commercials, and that I would not have to change the channel, I would have thought that they were a crook. If that same person told me that it would only coast seven bucks a month, and that I would get the Big Ten Network included in the deal, I would have stomped on their foot, and ran away screaming "HELP IDENTITY THEIF!" That's what watching the news today will do to you--if it is too good to be true, it usually is…except for NFL the Red Zone Channel.
It wasn't a con, at least if it was a con, they haven't wired all my funds overseas yet (deep down, I am still worried). If you don't know, The Red Zone shows every good moment from every Sunday NFL game without commercials. I didn't think it was possible, but when you add up all the down time between snaps, and just how short the actual plays are, you can sweep between games and see everything. Frankly, it’s the most life changing technology I have ever experienced (beating out indoor plumbing and penicillin). I can no longer watch a regular football game anymore, and I can barley stand to watch regular TV anymore either.
I realized today that the only time I watch regular TV is from the moment I wake up (around 5:40--I have little kids) to the moment that I have to get ready for work (around 7ish). At night I could surf through 500 channels and find nothing of interest to watch, however from 6-7am there are at least 6 different things on TV that I really enjoy watching while drinking my morning coffee. (note: I set up the coffee maker right on the shelf by my bed so it would wake me up when the self brew alarm kicks in--it’s the last alarm clock you will ever buy!! [Only 2 easy payments of 19.99]).
Here are the shows I have to choose from: Saved by the Bell, KELO Land News, CNN morning news (remember I am a paranoid adult addicted to the news), The Sopranos, Sports Center, and Mike and Mike. Thankfully, I rarely have to turn to Mike and Mike, because an old married couple bickering about the texture of their dinner's cornbread is more entertaining than listening to Mike and Mike. That still leaves 5 shows that I am very engaged in; shockingly I have found that I can watch all five at once because the commercials all offset each other pretty well. This got me thinking, what if you could make a Red Zone Channel for my morning shows--below is what I think the commentator would sound like from today's morning shows if this Red Zone channel did exist:
(TV turns on by itself at 5:40 when the coffee pot kicks on, there is a countdown going from 1 minute to zero with NFL films music lightly playing in the background. When the clock hits zero, the studio and announcer show up on the screen)
Announcer:
• Good Morning and welcome back to Wake up Red Zone, remember no commercials no channel surfing, lots of story lines to look at today, but we got a few shows kicking off so let's take you live.
• Over on TBS Saved by the bell is just underway, and that music probably sounds familiar, yup…that's Friends Forever, and yes this is the Zack Attack episode, which should provide us today with some great memories, while giving us insight into the recording industry…
• Wait, we want to jump over to CNN, where you're not dreaming, yes those are people riding through Egypt on camels chasing Anderson Cooper, this is the type of action that we bring you day in and day out on Wake Up Red Zone.
• Switch to split screen quick, while the Sopranos are driving. Furrio is on the war path and ready to collect some money for Tony. Some plots in today's show should be the freshly released from prison Richie Apreio, and how he handles life on the outside.
• Jumping over to Sportscenter, where some action might be breaking out…yes, those are two goalies coming out to center line to fight. It's our motto, every goalie fight, every game here on Wake Up Red Zone.
• Over on channel 3 we got the weather about to start let's take a live look in on the 7 day forecast.
• Now this is where Wake up Red Zone really gets great, in the last 2 minutes. At this time we only show the shows that are down to the wire, so let's jump back to the Zack Attack as he just walked out on the band, this one might be a barn burner.
Seriously, this is what I actually watched this morning (I had to flip the channels though) it was great. However, I already miss the NFL Red Zone--what an amazing ride it was.
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