Merry Christmas and Happy Festivas!

By Tyler Savage

It is official--if you like sports this is the greatest time of the year. Thanksgiving officially kicked off this greatest time, and it will end instantly at the end of the NFC and AFC Championship games. Here are the things that make the next month and a half a great time to watch sports:

Thanksgiving football:
Yes, the games sucked--but who cares. Is there anything better than a family holiday that is all about watching football and stuffing your face--I don't think so. Wait...yes there is something better, if we could get rid of the family part to Thanksgiving and make it a holiday that we have to share with our friends.

Baseball Winter Meetings:
This is my second favorite time of the baseball year (only the spring training with the hope of a World Series is better). In a way, the winter meetings are the official start to the new hope of a new season, and Red...hope is a good thing. There is nothing better than reading the rumors flying around, and waiting for the Twins to sign their big free agent. Wait...yes there is something better, and that would be when the Twins actually do sign that big free agent (note to readers, this has yet to happen in Twins' history).

Crappy College Bowl Games:
This is the only time of year that you would watch Troy play Akron on a Tuesday night. Why...because both teams are playing for the pride of godaddy.com (whoever the hell that guy is). What's my idea for a good new crappy bowl game? Glad you asked: take two crappy teams-records don't matter-who average around 30 points a game, and match them against each other. Also, the teams have to be only a high powered jittery passing team, and they have to have horrible pass defenses. Then, you fly these teams to the country of Colombia and host the first every Coffee Bowl presented by Folgers Morning blend. Final score: 110-108 on a last second safety.

Good Bowl Games:
The magic of the Christmas season is all about the great bowl games, and the fact that you don't have to work or go to school during most of these games. What would I change about sports if I were president? Glad you asked: Make it illegal to play any bowl games after New Year's Day. Why are the games being pushed back all the way to the 5th of January? I want one day of super football to end with the BCS game.

Sports Documentary Shows During Xmas Eve:
The year in review, the top ten games of the year, and the top performers of the year--I love those shows. Who could forget in '99 when ESPN ended their 100 Greatest Athletes Series over Christmas? Patrick Ewing not in the top ten is still confusing.

Fight Night:
MMA season officially kicks off. Ordering the December UFC with a group of 20 guys is never a bad idea. Going downtown shortly afterwards will always have a story that starts with: "Remember that fight that (insert drunk guys name here) got into after we watch UFC..."

These are just a few of the things to look forward to in the rest of the year. Why didn't I mention the Super Bowl? Because the Super Bowl sucks, and is officially the downfall of sports, and it kicks off the worst month and a half or sports watching (watch for that column soon)!

Dream Bowl Games

David Jensen

The College football season is done and all the bowls are set. Yes, the BCS is terrible, but since the 1A postseason was bought and paid for a long time ago, there's really no sense in bitching about it. The only way to console ourselves is to dream up games we actually want to see, not which games Federal Express wants to shove down our throats. I thought I'd share some of the match-ups I'll be dreaming about.
Note: It is now 1990. A strange time when bowls were named for the stadium's they were played in, usually having something to do with the region or host city. Keep in mind that playing on New Years Day is a great honor at this time in history.

Liberty Bowl-Georgia v Oklahoma State. Both are very good teams in great conferences. Both would score in the 30's. 35-31 UGA

Fiesta Bowl-USC v Oklahoma. The imovable object versus the irresistable force. USC gave up 93 points in 12 games, 27 of those to Oregon St. OU scored 645 points. They gained 39 first downs against the 20th ranked team in the land. It would be a clash so epic, we would be lucky if the football Gods let us know who won, much less watch it.

Orange Bowl 1-Oklahoma v Texas. A rematch for all the marbles! 45-42 Texas.

Orange Bowl 2-USC v Alabama. Two great defenses, two very good offenses. 27-20 USC.

Sun Bowl-Nebraska v Minnesota. Great mismatch no. 1. I love it when the Huskers score 60+ in bowl games. 65-28 Nebraska.

Sugar Bowl-Ohio State v Florida. Great mismatch no. 2. Isn't it great to see the Buckeyes get run over by the SEC on the National Stage? 55-18 Gators.

Cotton Bowl-Boise State v Texas Tech. Two programs trying to prove their not just a gimmick or a fluke. 43-42 BSU.

Gator Bowl-Nebraska v Ole Miss. Two programs striving for the top tier in great conferences. 27-24 Nebraska.

Citrus Bowl-Nebraska v Miami (FL). Always great when these two meet in bowl games. This time, the 2 point conversion succeeds! 32-31 Nebraska.

Sugar Bowl-Texas v Alabama. With the national championship on the line, there would be bodies everywhere! 28-24 Texas.

Las Vegas Bowl-Buffalo v Ohio. Both coaches were Big Red running backs. 28-17 Buffalo.

Boise Bowl-Minnesota v Wisconsin. I never get tired of watching the Gophers blow late leads. 33-31 Badgers.

Scout Team East v West Allstar Game. A new spin on the Senior Bowl. I would love to see this game happen. Make allstar teams of the best freshman players in the country who red-shirted that season and toiled all fall running their opponents' plays. It would be a futures game! Play it on Christmas eve at the L.A. Collesium.

Winter of Change?

By Tyler Savage

What do the Twins need to do to win the World Series this off season. Before you read this make sure that you realize that the Twins are not going to accomplish these things, because it's not in their nature. Also realize that I am going to mention some things that are pretty realistic. I am not going to make up some weird trade situations that would be completly impossible (example: Boof Bonser for K-Rod, a player to be named, and cash).

First, the Twins need to lock up third base and shortstop with legit middle of the road players. To accomplish this, they need to sign a proven free agent at short or third. Then they need to use their abundance of outfielders to trade for another proven MLB short or third basemen.

Next, the Twins need to sign some form of middle relief this off season. With the injury of Ole Pat N. the Twins may need to overpay Reyes to get things done. Young arms are coming up, but the team will still need a proven arm in the end.

Then, Re-sign Punto as a utility infielder and use him 2-3 times a week. Punto is not an everyday player, but he is a damn good utility player. With proper use, this will keep our infielders healthy and in the lineup.

Lastly, put Kubel on a short leash. He looks good at times, then he drops the S-bomb on TV and strikes out with three men on. I think he could become a break out star of the league...he is too damn relaxed though. The team needs to give him an ultimatum--produce or pack up your stuff.

The Twins have issues to fill this off season, making the right moves could make for a great dome get away. I have a feeling Bill Smith will make some moves and noise this off season.

I Miss Hating You

At the range, we have decided a new approach--from now on, we are blogging about anything that we find fun to write about. Here is my first try:
By Tyler Savage

In the upcoming years there are four big sports teams that I want to see return to glory. The first two are obvious, I long for the Knicks to bring me back to the NBA, which was after all my first sports love. Secondly, I am awaiting the return of my beloved Miami Hurricanes to make the news in other ways then from fighting and shooting deaths.

The next two teams I want to get good again are the Nebraska Cornhuskers and the Chicago Bulls. Yes, I am talking about the same Bulls who made me cry in every 1990's playoff seasons. And yes, I am talking about the same Cornhuskers team who made me lose money when they crushed the Tennessee Volunteers in the Fiesta Bowl.

These teams caused me a lot of pain growing up, why should I want them to return to glory? The answer is simple: I miss hating them.

Don't misunderstand me. For the first few years, I took great pleasure in the Bulls' and Huskers' pain. The 2002 Rose Bowl was one of my greatest sport's watching moments. The complete destruction of the Bulls after '98 was a fine moment also. However, now it has just gotten pathetic.

It's like that girl you hated in High School. When she gained 20 lbs. after her freshmen year of college it brought you joy. Now you see her, and she's got a kid, short hair, and weighs 200 lbs; secretly, you long for her to make a comeback, lose the weight, and get back to being perfect...so that you can hate her again.

So for now, I am going to be rooting for the Huskers and the Bulls. I am going to root them right into the championship game of their respected leauges. Then, right as they take the field, I will rip off their team shirt, and take pleasure in watching them choke on the highest stage.

Predictions Revisited

By David Jensen

ESPN is smart enough to bury it's predictions so they don't look like fools. But I'm not. Let's see how I did.
AL
East Actual: Tampa Bay
Prediction: NY Yankees. Injuries and age held back The Bombers who sitll had a decent year by most standards, just not thier own.
Central Actual: Chicago
Prediction: Detroit. Offseason deals made for one of the funniest seasons in a generation. White Sox tried thier damnedest to fade away, but the Twins wouldn't let them.
West Actual: California
Prediction: California. Hot shit, I got one right.
Wild Card Actual: Boston
Prediction: Cleveland. Injuries and the leaky bullpen cost them this year.
Worst Record Actual: Seattle
Prediction: Baltimore. Baltimore managed to finish 7.5 games ahead of Seattle who some picked to win the west.
Surprise Prediction: Minnesota. I'd say I got that one right. In March, the Devil Rays had a much better team on paper.
Disappointment Prediction: Chicago. Clearly not. It's split between Detroit and Seattle. The Mariners paid $1.07 million per loss!
NL
East Prediction: Philadelphia
Actual: Philadelphia. That one was too easy.
Central Prediction: Milwaukee
Actual: Chicago. I thought the Cubs would celebrate 100 year anniversary by not building on 2007's success and burning down Wrigleyville.
West Prediction: Arizona
Actual: Los Angeles. Dbacks made me look like a genius in April. Then tried to give the west to anyone who would take it.
Wild card Prediction: NY Mets
Actual: Milwaukee. I knew the Mets would piss away the division, but screw up the wild card for the 2nd year in a row?
Worst record Prediction: San Francisco
Actual: Washington. Oh, those poor Senators!
Surprise Prediction: Pittsburgh. I have to say it's Florida at 84-77. Got a good deal for Willis and his 9.38 ERA.
Disappointment Prediction: Atlanta. I'd say I got that one right. They finished 4th with 90 loses
after many picked them for the division. Although the defending champion Rockies went 74-88.

My world series pick wasn't even remotely close. Neither made the playoffs and they finished a
combined 2 games above .500.

Round Three

By David Jensen

2008 is an important year for Boof Bonser. This is his third year in the majors, he is a very talented pitcher and much has been expected from him since Minnesota acquired him from the Giants. On top of that, the Santana trade has put more pressure on him to perform now. He is the longest tenured Twin and has the most career starts in the American League in the rotation. That is why I picked Boof for my annual “Perform or you’re dead to me” ultimatum. Previous challenges have made Justin Morneau an MVP and Carlos Silva a Cy Young candidate, for Seattle. My expectations for Bonser are average for a number two starter: seven wins with a winning percentage of at least .450 with an ERA under 3.75 at the all-star break.

A month into the season, Boof has, at times, looked like a premier pitcher. In six starts, he is 2-4 with a 3.75 ERA, 22 strike outs and 9 walks. Opponents are hitting .250 with three home runs against him in 36 innings of work.

In his first two starts, he wasn’t sharp, but he gave the Twins a chance to win both games. He allowed three ER in on eight hits in six innings with four ks against the Angels. Against Kansas City, it was 3 ER on eight hits in seven innings with four ks and no walks. Minnesota lost 9-1, 3-1. In his third start, in KC, Bonser shut out the Royals on three hits for six innings to pick up his first win. Next was his only truly bad game thus far. The Devil Rays lit him up for seven runs, six earned, on seven hits in just four innings as the Twins lost 7-3. He rebounded in his next start by holding Oakland to two runs on three hits over six innings. Same old story, Boof falls to 1-4 as the A’s win 3-0. Bonser finished April in fine style. Against the hated White Sox, he allowed six hits in seven innings with one walk and 8 ks. He gave up just one run on a solo shot by Joe Crede.

Despite a 2-4 record, Bonser had a good month of April. He’s given up 8.8 hits per 9IP with a 3.75 ERA. Minnesota’s offense has averaged 7.7 hits and 1.7 runs of support in his starts.

The High Life

The 1988 Baltimore Orioles have popped the champainge. Their record of 21 consecutive loses to start a season is safe for another year. The Tigers defeated the Red Sox 7-2 tonight to improve to 1-7 on the year. They were not able to gain any ground on the Royals however, who beat the Yankees for the second day in a row. Minnesota evened its series with Chicago with a 12-5 triumph. Jason Kubel went 2 for 4 with a grand slam and six RBI. Despite this performance, he is still dead to me.