...And That's When it All Came Crashing Down Upon Us

By David Jensen

The Minnesota Twins are in big trouble. After dominating the Angels in the first game of the year, the Twins have looked like the worst team in the AL since. Tonights loss sends them below .500 to a 1-2 mark. In Tuesday nights game, the they put on a clinic of poor pitching, bungling defense and inept hitting in key situations. California rolled over Bonser and the Twins 9-1. On Wednesday night, they were again completely lost at the plate as Joe Saunders shut them down for eight innings. The two game skid puts them a distant 1.5 games behind Cleveland and Kansas City. From what we've seen the last two nights, Minnesota will be very fortunate if they don't smash the 1962 Mets record for losses in a season.

Anything is Possible

By David Jensen

After one game, the Twins appear to be the team to beat in the American League. Livan Hernandez pitched 7 innings, giving up 2 runs on 7 hits to earn his first win as a Twin. Carlos Gomez went 2 for 3 with two runs and two stolen bases. Cuddyer drove the winning run. Even Jason Kubel got a hit. Then Neshek and Nathan dominated out of the bullpen to slam the door on the Angels.
Among the six newcomers to the starting lineup, Delmon Young went 2 for 4 with a run scored. Brenden Harris went 2 for 4 with two strikeouts and played a good second base.
Minnesota played a great game all around. The defense was stellar and the pitching was solid. They ran the bases agressively and stole four bases to set up opportunities in the early innings. I don't think I've seen a better opening day performance from the Twins. There is no way this will all come crashing down upon us.

2008 Predictions

By David Jensen

Before last season, I made predictions on the division races and playoffs. They turned out to be very poor predictions. So poor in fact, Jim Souhan might have done better. So I put some more thought into this years.

AL

East- New York
Central- Detroit
West - California
Wild Card- Cleveland
Worst Record- Baltimore
Surprise - Minnesota
Disappointment- Chicago
Champion- Cleveland

NL

East - Philadelphia
Central- Milwaukee
West - Arizona
Wild Card- New York
Worst Record- San Francisco
Surprise - Pittsburgh
Disappointment- Atlanta
Champion - Arizona

World Series Arizona in 7

AL Central

1. Detroit - Good pitching, great lineup, great manager. They should have a better September than last the two years.

2. Cleveland- Everything hinges on the Bullpen

3. Minnesota- I have no idea how the Twins will finish this year. I would not be surprised if they finished first, or last. But I don’t think they will finish behind Chicago or Kansas City, could they?

4. Kansas City- Good looking young team. Somebody should tell ownership the Royals are not a farm team.

5. Chicago - If they’re out of the race in July, look for them to pack up the circus and fade away.

Miscellaneous

Team to go 100 years without winning a
world series- Chicago Cubs

Teams the national media won't give up on until September, even though they were out of it in May- Cincinnati, Chicago Cubs/White Sox, Houston, Atlanta and Oakland

Highest attendance- New York Yankees

Lowest attendance- Florida

Teams that won't need new stadiums- Yankees, Minnesota and Kansas City

Restraining orders filed by Bob Uecker- 3

Amount of Christmas presents Carl Pohlad will dump into
Lake Superior in tons-16

Times Tyler will be enraged by "Circle Me Bert" signs- 1377

Times Joe Morgan will go on at great length when someone does something that an eight year old little leaguer could have done just as well- 57

Soulless yuppies who will truly appreciate the Twins, the Metrodome and Baseball- 0

The Twins stadium project will face several more obstacles and construction will halt in late August.

Wishful Thinking

Boston will make a trade with Minnesota that will be looked back on as the single greatest front office blunder in the expansion era. As a result, Theo Epstein will resign in shame and the Red Sox will embark on another 86 year World Series drought.

Fox will disband its sports division and Joe Buck will apologize to America shortly before going into exile in Mongolia.

That's what I could come up with while doing my laundry. I'm confidant they will prove better than anything Jim Souhan and John Kruk will come up with.

Stat Chat 3/13

Pitching Numbers:

Starters:

• Boof is at 5.40, he has had two outings, looked okay against Boston, and bad against the Yankees. He has pitched five innings and give up four walks, and only has one strike out.
• Vet. Hernandez has pitched 3 games, pitched 9 innings, and has an ERA of 8.00. Lots of innings, but lots of runs.
  
• Slowey has a 8.10 ERA in 6.2 innings. He has given up 15 hits, and has 4BB.
• Liriano came back to pitch 3.2 innings has a 7.36 ERA, with only 2 SO. He also has 3 BB.
• Baker has had two solid starts 0.00 with 4 SO. However he is sidelined with back pain, may put him out to start the year.
  

Stat Chat

By Tyler Savage

Let's look at the newcomers

• Delmon Young has had 22 AB, he has a .435 OBP, .545 SLG, .435 AVG. He is going crazy right now, but look out for this guys numbers this year.
• Craig Monroe not as many AB, .750 SLG, .375 AVG, .412 OBP. Hopefully we may have a DH.
• Gomez: .185 OBP, .292 SLG, .167 AVG. He has speed, but he needs to be on base to use it.
• Lamb: 13 AB this guys needs to stay healthy.
  

Another Question on Health?

• Mauer: 14 AB

This is your last Chance:

• Punto: .077 SLG and AVG.
• Kubel: .190 AVG, .292 SLG

Breaking down the pitching tomorrow

Bad Karma

Tyler Savage

Since Dave brought me back to watching the Twins in 2002, Twins fans have suffered some bad karma. The problem is that I can't figure out what we are doing that is so bad that is causing us to suffer so much. Here is a brief recap of our bad luck:

2002: Twins make it to the playoffs while facing contraction. The crowd at the Dome before game 1 of the ALDS is crazy. I literally thought that Dave was going to punch me because he was so excited (he bought 10 homer hankies before the game). Oakland starts the game by hitting an inside the park home run--the crowd was dead. We later get defeated by the rally monkey in LA.

2003: Roger Clemens and his steroids defeat us in the ALDS.

2004: The Twins blow a huge lead in game 4 of the ALDS against the Yankees and Ruben Sierra hits a grand slam to tie the game. Kyle Lohse throws a wild pitch to give the Yankees the lead in extra innings, leaving Scotty speechless.

2005: The Twins spend 162 games trying to figure out how Ruben Sierra hit a grand slam to tie game 4 of the ALDS.

2006: After one of the greatest comebacks in the history of sports, the Twins lose three straight games to Oakland in the ALDS. To make matters worse, none of the games were night games, the season ended and many of us did not even get to see it.

2007: This was another season where the Twins spent 162 games trying to get over what happened to them the year before in the playoffs. They also get rid of Luis Castillo, Tori Hunter, and trade Johan Santana for a box of Cracker Jacks and a celebrity's a-line tank top.

Twins fans need to find out how to get karma back on our side. There are only two more seasons left for the Twins to get to the World Series at the Dome. I want to finish 2009 with a game 7 World Series win, while seeing it from the seats, and helping Dave steal a toilet from the Dome in celebration...is that too much to ask?

Minnesota Punked.

I think we are going to be okay here guys.
Here's how I see this playing out...opening day at the dome, Scott Baker is just about to throw out the first pitch when Ashton Kutcher pops up 0n the jumbotron and says, "Yo, Minnesota Twins fans...you got punked!"
and after a series of fireworks, Johan cuts his way out of the baggie and comes running out of right field to throw a perfect game and lead us to an undefeated season.
I think that this is the only logical explanation for this crazy trade.