If someone would have come up to me this August and said that they would let me watch every football game on Sundays, without any commercials, and that I would not have to change the channel, I would have thought that they were a crook. If that same person told me that it would only coast seven bucks a month, and that I would get the Big Ten Network included in the deal, I would have stomped on their foot, and ran away screaming "HELP IDENTITY THEIF!" That's what watching the news today will do to you--if it is too good to be true, it usually is…except for NFL the Red Zone Channel.
It wasn't a con, at least if it was a con, they haven't wired all my funds overseas yet (deep down, I am still worried). If you don't know, The Red Zone shows every good moment from every Sunday NFL game without commercials. I didn't think it was possible, but when you add up all the down time between snaps, and just how short the actual plays are, you can sweep between games and see everything. Frankly, it’s the most life changing technology I have ever experienced (beating out indoor plumbing and penicillin). I can no longer watch a regular football game anymore, and I can barley stand to watch regular TV anymore either.
I realized today that the only time I watch regular TV is from the moment I wake up (around 5:40--I have little kids) to the moment that I have to get ready for work (around 7ish). At night I could surf through 500 channels and find nothing of interest to watch, however from 6-7am there are at least 6 different things on TV that I really enjoy watching while drinking my morning coffee. (note: I set up the coffee maker right on the shelf by my bed so it would wake me up when the self brew alarm kicks in--it’s the last alarm clock you will ever buy!! [Only 2 easy payments of 19.99]).
Here are the shows I have to choose from: Saved by the Bell, KELO Land News, CNN morning news (remember I am a paranoid adult addicted to the news), The Sopranos, Sports Center, and Mike and Mike. Thankfully, I rarely have to turn to Mike and Mike, because an old married couple bickering about the texture of their dinner's cornbread is more entertaining than listening to Mike and Mike. That still leaves 5 shows that I am very engaged in; shockingly I have found that I can watch all five at once because the commercials all offset each other pretty well. This got me thinking, what if you could make a Red Zone Channel for my morning shows--below is what I think the commentator would sound like from today's morning shows if this Red Zone channel did exist:
(TV turns on by itself at 5:40 when the coffee pot kicks on, there is a countdown going from 1 minute to zero with NFL films music lightly playing in the background. When the clock hits zero, the studio and announcer show up on the screen)
Announcer:
• Good Morning and welcome back to Wake up Red Zone, remember no commercials no channel surfing, lots of story lines to look at today, but we got a few shows kicking off so let's take you live.
• Over on TBS Saved by the bell is just underway, and that music probably sounds familiar, yup…that's Friends Forever, and yes this is the Zack Attack episode, which should provide us today with some great memories, while giving us insight into the recording industry…
• Wait, we want to jump over to CNN, where you're not dreaming, yes those are people riding through Egypt on camels chasing Anderson Cooper, this is the type of action that we bring you day in and day out on Wake Up Red Zone.
• Switch to split screen quick, while the Sopranos are driving. Furrio is on the war path and ready to collect some money for Tony. Some plots in today's show should be the freshly released from prison Richie Apreio, and how he handles life on the outside.
• Jumping over to Sportscenter, where some action might be breaking out…yes, those are two goalies coming out to center line to fight. It's our motto, every goalie fight, every game here on Wake Up Red Zone.
• Over on channel 3 we got the weather about to start let's take a live look in on the 7 day forecast.
• Now this is where Wake up Red Zone really gets great, in the last 2 minutes. At this time we only show the shows that are down to the wire, so let's jump back to the Zack Attack as he just walked out on the band, this one might be a barn burner.
Seriously, this is what I actually watched this morning (I had to flip the channels though) it was great. However, I already miss the NFL Red Zone--what an amazing ride it was.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Free Agent Fan Savage Resigns with Twins!!
In a shocking development, the Minnesota Twins have resigned All Star Fan free agent Tyler Savage. Experts had said that Savage would leave the Twins at the end of this season. All indications pointed to Savage leaving for either the Dodgers or the Royals, Savage had been researching both teams extensively this off season. Savage also was overheard singing California Dreaming much of this winter, and refused to watch The 50 greatest Twins documentary earlier this month.
Here are the details on the new contract; the contract is a five year extension.
· Savage has to acknowledge that Target Field is now the home of the Twins
· All Twins home runs will receive a standing ovation
· Games will now be played with the mute button on
· Food eaten at games will be 1 hot dog and an ice cream helmet
· Savage may not have the following signs: "hey bert, what are you going to whine about now?" and "This place is a dump"
· An ongoing search for "the seats" will begin starting this year
· The Metrodome will not be insulted in Savage's presence
· Savage will no longer laugh at Thome shirts
· The only player designated to receive unconditional respect will be Rodger Dorn (Cuddyer)
· The following additional signs are allowed: "I will have my vengeance" and "Remember Denny Hocking?"
· The memory of Tony Batista will be erased from everyone's minds slowly
· "Why do we still cheer Torii Hunter Day" and "I still love Johann Day" will be pronounced by Savage at a latter unknown time
· Yelling "Free Beer!" will not be rewarded
· "Can I just have the hot dog?" will not be rewarded
· "TWINS WIN!" Will be rewarded
· "You Bum!" will now be the lowest insult at a game
· "No Really…FREE BEER!" will not be rewarded
· "That Ice Cream looks good, can I try some?" will not warrant ice cream
· This column is the official last pot shot at Target Field by Savage, my voice has been heard
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The 2002 Contraction Concern
(20 columns remembering the last decade of Twins' Baseball)
By Tyler Savage
In the winter of 2002, Bud Selig reported that baseball was no longer profitable for small markets. His solution was that two teams would have to go--contraction was officially on the table. In a stunning move, Selig also came to the conclusion that the Montreal Expos and the Minnesota Twins were the two teams that would have to go. The announcement was a shock to the Midwest, just the year before the Twins finished in 2nd place in the AL Central, after being in the cellar for much of the late 90's. That summer Twins' fans came back to the Dome to fight for their beloved team. Surprisingly, they found out that the Twins were actually a pretty darn good team. In the summer of 2002, a young bunch of scrappy players were not only playing for a division title, they were winning back forgotten fans, and saving a franchise.
In the late 90's and early 2000's, the formula for a winning Major League Baseball team was a team built on proven free agents in the twilight of their careers who shockingly became stronger, bigger, and statistically better with age. The 2002 Twins were the polar opposite for what was supposed to work in baseball. The oldest player in the everyday lineup, was Corey Koskie at the old age of 29. The team was home grown and built withing its own farm system, many of the players came up through the system together. The Twins were the anti-longball team, they focused on fielding and pitching, and struggled for every run they got. Just one year removed from Bary Bond's hitting 73 home runs in a season, the 2002 Twins' everyday players hit a staggering combined 132 home runs. The Twins became pioneers for the smallball revival.
The new Twins smallball formula produced winning results, and reliable pitching. Rick Reed won 15 games, and Kyle Lohse and Eric Milton each won 13 games. Injured veterans Brad Radke and Joe Mays each had their moments towards the end of the year. And some rookie named Johan Santana had a 2.99 ERA and won 8 games. Arguably the best pitching came from a written off, overweight veteran named Eddie Guardado. Everyday Eddie had 45 saves, with a 2.93 ERA in the 2002 season.
On the offensive side, Torii Hunter began to make a name for himself as the face of the Twins' franchise. He belted out 29 home runs, with a 2.89 batting average. Jacque Jones and A.J. Pierzynski both batted for .300 that year, and shortstop Cristian Guzman hit for a respectable .273. Who knows where the team would have gone if David Ortiz and Corry Koskie had lived up to their power potentials.
The advertising slogan for the Twins that year was: The Minnesota Twins-Get to Know 'Em. In the summer of 2002, just under 2 million fans came back to the Dome and met the 'new' Twins. The team finished 94-67, and won the American League Central Division. More importantly though, the 2002 Twins saved a franchise, and the formula for winning baseball in the Major Leagues.
By Tyler Savage
In the winter of 2002, Bud Selig reported that baseball was no longer profitable for small markets. His solution was that two teams would have to go--contraction was officially on the table. In a stunning move, Selig also came to the conclusion that the Montreal Expos and the Minnesota Twins were the two teams that would have to go. The announcement was a shock to the Midwest, just the year before the Twins finished in 2nd place in the AL Central, after being in the cellar for much of the late 90's. That summer Twins' fans came back to the Dome to fight for their beloved team. Surprisingly, they found out that the Twins were actually a pretty darn good team. In the summer of 2002, a young bunch of scrappy players were not only playing for a division title, they were winning back forgotten fans, and saving a franchise.
In the late 90's and early 2000's, the formula for a winning Major League Baseball team was a team built on proven free agents in the twilight of their careers who shockingly became stronger, bigger, and statistically better with age. The 2002 Twins were the polar opposite for what was supposed to work in baseball. The oldest player in the everyday lineup, was Corey Koskie at the old age of 29. The team was home grown and built withing its own farm system, many of the players came up through the system together. The Twins were the anti-longball team, they focused on fielding and pitching, and struggled for every run they got. Just one year removed from Bary Bond's hitting 73 home runs in a season, the 2002 Twins' everyday players hit a staggering combined 132 home runs. The Twins became pioneers for the smallball revival.
The new Twins smallball formula produced winning results, and reliable pitching. Rick Reed won 15 games, and Kyle Lohse and Eric Milton each won 13 games. Injured veterans Brad Radke and Joe Mays each had their moments towards the end of the year. And some rookie named Johan Santana had a 2.99 ERA and won 8 games. Arguably the best pitching came from a written off, overweight veteran named Eddie Guardado. Everyday Eddie had 45 saves, with a 2.93 ERA in the 2002 season.
On the offensive side, Torii Hunter began to make a name for himself as the face of the Twins' franchise. He belted out 29 home runs, with a 2.89 batting average. Jacque Jones and A.J. Pierzynski both batted for .300 that year, and shortstop Cristian Guzman hit for a respectable .273. Who knows where the team would have gone if David Ortiz and Corry Koskie had lived up to their power potentials.
The advertising slogan for the Twins that year was: The Minnesota Twins-Get to Know 'Em. In the summer of 2002, just under 2 million fans came back to the Dome and met the 'new' Twins. The team finished 94-67, and won the American League Central Division. More importantly though, the 2002 Twins saved a franchise, and the formula for winning baseball in the Major Leagues.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Talkin' WBC
By Tyler Savage
The World Baseball Classic is just around the corner. I'm not against this event, here are my ideas to spice up the event:
1. Two teams from the US: the pros, and a college all-star team. Let's face it...the college teams are more cut out for this type of tournament. The pros take until June to get warmed up, the college kids have been practicing for months now. Also, think of the possibilities, what if the pro team had to play the college kids--would there be anything more worth using a personal day for? I don't think you can get more personal than that.
2. Opening round games need to be played in "authentic" ball fields:
I'd love to see a game from the Dominicans where it is played on a ratty old field where fans are on old wooden bleachers or banana boxes. The infield looks like gravel, and the baseballs are a fine shade of brown. All the players need to hit with the same bat (which may be made from a tree branch) and the left fielder may not play with a glove.
3. No night games.
4. Who gets to bat first? Simple, the two team captains come out with one bat, the team that bats first is the team whose captain's hand is on top of the bat's handle after alternating their hands from the bottom of the bat to the top.
5. Home plate is an actual pudding jar (if you know this reference I will be shocked).
6. Mandatory chatter from all players (who are miked up and can be heard on TV). Who wouldn't love to hear Tommy Lasorda in a dug out screaming: "Let's hear some Chatter out there!!" The down side to this...no one would want to hear A-Rod chatter, that would sound stranger than Joe Mauer's milk ads from the '06 campaign.
7. Rule change: if an MLB player gets injured, their team gets to choose a player from the Country of Cuba's National Team. The injured player will then become property of the Country of Cuba.
8. No players can go out to play until all of their homework is complete, and they have finished their dinner.
9. If you hit a homerun, you get the homerun.
10. No umps, teams regulate themselves. Thus creating arguments, rule changing, and someone going home-crying before the game is over-while yelling that they are coming back with their older brothers to get even.
The World Baseball Classic is just around the corner. I'm not against this event, here are my ideas to spice up the event:
1. Two teams from the US: the pros, and a college all-star team. Let's face it...the college teams are more cut out for this type of tournament. The pros take until June to get warmed up, the college kids have been practicing for months now. Also, think of the possibilities, what if the pro team had to play the college kids--would there be anything more worth using a personal day for? I don't think you can get more personal than that.
2. Opening round games need to be played in "authentic" ball fields:
I'd love to see a game from the Dominicans where it is played on a ratty old field where fans are on old wooden bleachers or banana boxes. The infield looks like gravel, and the baseballs are a fine shade of brown. All the players need to hit with the same bat (which may be made from a tree branch) and the left fielder may not play with a glove.
3. No night games.
4. Who gets to bat first? Simple, the two team captains come out with one bat, the team that bats first is the team whose captain's hand is on top of the bat's handle after alternating their hands from the bottom of the bat to the top.
5. Home plate is an actual pudding jar (if you know this reference I will be shocked).
6. Mandatory chatter from all players (who are miked up and can be heard on TV). Who wouldn't love to hear Tommy Lasorda in a dug out screaming: "Let's hear some Chatter out there!!" The down side to this...no one would want to hear A-Rod chatter, that would sound stranger than Joe Mauer's milk ads from the '06 campaign.
7. Rule change: if an MLB player gets injured, their team gets to choose a player from the Country of Cuba's National Team. The injured player will then become property of the Country of Cuba.
8. No players can go out to play until all of their homework is complete, and they have finished their dinner.
9. If you hit a homerun, you get the homerun.
10. No umps, teams regulate themselves. Thus creating arguments, rule changing, and someone going home-crying before the game is over-while yelling that they are coming back with their older brothers to get even.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Podcast part II
part II of the first show is now posted at the link below.
http://twinsbeatwriters.mypodcast.com/index.html
http://twinsbeatwriters.mypodcast.com/index.html
Sunday, February 22, 2009
PODCAST!!!
We now have a pod cast!
It had to be broken into parts:
here is the link to the first part:
http://twinsbeatwriters.mypodcast.com/index.html
It had to be broken into parts:
here is the link to the first part:
http://twinsbeatwriters.mypodcast.com/index.html
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Standing Still
David Jensen
We are now deep into the sports abyss. Pitchers and catchers report in less than 10 days, and the Twins have done next to nothing this offseason. They signed Punto, Kubel and Guerrier to contract extensions. There have been a lot of rumors floating around, but the only free-agent signed has been a groundskeeper. Unfortunatly it wasn't Kubel, who, for some reason, is the only DH on the 40-man roster. I can tell already that it's going to be a hell of a season.
We are now deep into the sports abyss. Pitchers and catchers report in less than 10 days, and the Twins have done next to nothing this offseason. They signed Punto, Kubel and Guerrier to contract extensions. There have been a lot of rumors floating around, but the only free-agent signed has been a groundskeeper. Unfortunatly it wasn't Kubel, who, for some reason, is the only DH on the 40-man roster. I can tell already that it's going to be a hell of a season.
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